


We Were Two Before Our Time

by IntoTheVoidAndBeyond6



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-18 11:58:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10616448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntoTheVoidAndBeyond6/pseuds/IntoTheVoidAndBeyond6
Summary: Six years ago Oliver and Felicity's relationship fell apart. Through phone calls and flashbacks can they find their way back to one another?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First multichapter story:) Currently working out the storyboard for this so the updates won't be as quick for this one. I hope this small intro holds some interest. Enjoy!

    _Today was an awful day Felicity. One of the ones where we would have went home together, pulled up something on the DVR, and passed out right on the couch. I would tell you that you snore and you would say that it was me. We'd get up and shower I'd head to my office and you'd head to yours. We'd try to schedule our lunch break together and you'd inevitability miss it because you're awful about keeping track of time and I'd stop by your office with food because I'd known you'd skipped lunch to get ahead with your work._

_Those are the things I miss since you left. The normalcy I'd gained after returning home from the island. I never thought I'd have that again and you gave it to me. I never did thank you for that._

_Not one single thing went right today. It rarely does, now that you're not here. I swear if you ever decide to speak to me again, I'll never stop trying to make it up to you. I'm sorry I keep calling, it's just nice to hear your voice. I love you._


	2. You Were You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have officially storyboarded this entire thing and am writing different chapters as you are reading this. The thing about this story is that not all of the chapters (minus the phone calls) are in chronological order. I'm not sure if it serves an actual purpose so much as every time I tried to put them in order it didn't feel right. No worries though, following along will be simple and hopefully it doesn't upset anyone too much. I'm out of school for the summer so updates should be more common now and I hope you guys like where I take this story. I should also note that this takes place in a certain time past the season 5 finale. :)

   You Were You

   That feeling she had earlier today resurfaces as they all make their way back into the lair. She can feel the slight shift in the air as she counts them one by one. Dinah, Diggle, Rene, Laurel, and finally Oliver.

   Curtis spends most of his time down in the lair with her now, it's sort of the agreement him and Paul came to. Paul changed his mind about the divorce after seeing Mr. Terrific injured on the news. Said he couldn't live without him, but that he please cut back just a bit, and so he did.

   Sometimes she wished that Oliver would bend like that, even just a little, it would save him from the scolding shes about to give him.

   "I told you to wait for Dig and you didn't listen, now look at your leg."

   The bullet had been a clean shot through and through, but it left her feeling uneasy, when it could have been completely avoided in the first place.

   "Laurel had my back Felicity, everything ended up fine." He says evenly.

_Laurel had my back. Laurel. Had. My. Back._

   To say things had been tense since she'd joined the team would be an understatement. She'd tried to kill all of them at one point or another, but when push came to shove against Chase she stood by their side. Which was enough for Oliver and so everyone else fell in line.

   But she still doesn't trust her, she is strong headed, brutal, and lacks respect for anyone other than herself. If anything, seeing her face every day makes Felicity miss the old Laurel even more.

   But Oliver believes in redemption, and she's so tired of fighting with him about it. "Felicity." He says sharply pulling her from her thoughts. "I'm fine, okay?" He murmurs heading to the med bay to patch himself up.

   His leg is bleeding and she can see the large bullet hole that's pierced through his suit. And that's all she can stand for one night.

   "I don't even see the point of me being here if everyone is just going to ignore my directions every night." She huffs out under her breath, grabbing her coat and making her way towards the stairs.

   As she makes it to the top she hears Rene's voice, "Aww someone's in some serious trouble tonight."

                   ..................

   

   Oliver didn't realize every time he sidelined her or always took someone else's side it left her with a sense of shame. Like he didn't trust her instincts enough to keep the team moving in a safe and swift process. And tonight was no different.

   He should not have gone in alone. Laurel was too far behind even when she claimed to have his back, that was why one of Vallis's thugs was able to shoot him at such close range. Laurel was not close enough, she did not have his back, and he was hurt because of it. Not that he would ever admit it.

   Things had been different after their showdown with Chase. Everything felt upside down and Oliver tried to do more so others would have to do less. He had always thought about her safety, even more so with the added security at their loft, but in focusing on her safety, he'd completely forgotten about her happiness.

   She waited two more hours in the living room before deciding to go to sleep. Maybe he wasn't coming home tonight, or maybe he decided to go on another patrol.

    _"Please come home,"_ she whispered into the darkness, pulling her comforter closer around her.

   If he came back home she wouldn't yell at him this time, she'd just say what she needed to say without raising her voice. She just wanted him home and his arms wrapped around her.

   They would make it through this, like they'd made it through everything else. She watched out the window for as long as her eyes would stay open, as the skyline turned darker outside.

                    ..................

 

   It wasn't until three in the morning that his arms winding around her waist woke her up.

   "I'm sorry, I was trying to let you sleep."

   "I don't sleep very well when you're not here," She murmurs.

   "I know."

   "We're going to have to talk about it Oliver."

   "Can it wait until the sun is up?"

   "That's always your go to, trying to push it off, hoping I forget."

   "I don't want to fight about something that doesn't even matter."

   She tenses in his arms and she knows he feels it, rubbing small circles on her hips, she already knowing he's going to try to back peddle.

   "Felic..."

   "It matters Oliver."

   "Not in the way you think it does."

   "You deliberately ignored me Oliver, you listened to Laurel when I clearly told you she was not close enough to you. Imagine what could have happened." She says evenly, trying not to get any more angry than she already is.

   "But nothing did."

   "Okay." She huffs out. It was like talking to a giant brick wall when he got like this. She wasn't going to argue when he wasn't even going to hear her out.

   They stay in silence for a few minutes before she feels his face brush up against her cheek and hears his words whispered in her ear.

   "You know I hate it when you're mad at me."

   "I'm not mad."

   He tugs her in closer before tucking his face into her neck, she hates when he does that. _She loves when he does that_ , and he knows it.

   "You're either lying to me or yourself sweetheart."

   "I don't understand how you don't have my back when we're down there," she whispers. "We're part of that team Oliver, but we're a team too and I'm the only one who ever acts like it."

   "When I go out there every night, you are the only voice I listen for. You are the one I trust and the person who I know has my back. But you aren't out there in the field Felicity. When I'm out there, I have my own back while watching everyone else's. I don't need them, when I have you."

   "But you don't listen."

   "I took a risk tonight, I'll admit that. It was stupid, but I saw him and I reacted. I knew if I had waited any longer he'd have gotten away. You saw it too. But you were worried about me instead of catching that guy."

   "I was not."

   "And we needed him Felicity. He's one of the few leads we have to the drug ring making it's way from Coast City. Crime has been almost nonexistent these past few months and I want to keep it that way."

   "At what cost?"

   "If it ever comes down to the city and you I will walk away. I will hang up the hood forever and I will be happy. I've done it once and I can do it again. But the team isn't ready yet. It's not time yet."

   She lays her hand over his and tries to squeeze it reassuringly. "It isn't time yet. We aren't ready for that kind of normalcy," she murmurs.

   "You know you are the best thing that's ever happened to me?" He turns her around suddenly so they're face to face and she can barely make out his edges in the darkness.

   She had never really seen love growing up, her father had left her and her mother, Cooper had completely ruined the ideal first love thing, but then she'd met Oliver. And he always frustrated, infuriated, and drove her crazy, but he loved her and she loved him.

   He would make her laugh, treated her like she was the smartest woman in the room, and he protected her. Over the course of their relationship he made them a we.

   "I wouldn't go that far," she whispers, feeling his breath on her lips. His hand moves up towards her cheek and he puts his mouth on hers and kisses her long and slow.

   They stay that way, mouths meeting each other, whispered words in the dark, promising change in the night.

 

_But like all things, promises are often broken._


	3. And I Was I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another phone call. Sorry the phone call chapters are so short, but they do serve a larger purpose, and will (in due time) become longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I am working on a more productive updating schedule, but work has been quite hectic this week and I'm just now finding the time to edit these next few chapters. Hope you all enjoy!
> 
> On a side note: These chapter titles belong to a rather lovely poem by Lang Leav from her book Love & Misadventure. Check it out because she is phenomenal.

 

   * _You've reached Felicity Smoak. If you're trying to get ahold of Smoak Industries you should leave your message at 773-893-8983. If your trying to get ahold of me, please leave your message after the beep.*_

 

    _Felicity please answer your phone. I know you've been getting my messages and I know you don't want to speak to me, but I'm asking you to please just hear me out. Because the last time I saw you in Hub City things did not end on a high note. I've already left a dozen messages just like this one for months now, but we can't work through anything if you aren't willing to talk to me._

_I don't know how many times I have to say I'm sorry before you're willing to speak to me. I know you still talk to Dig and Curtis. I know that you pop into town from time to time to visit. But you always manage to avoid me. Do you really hate me that much? What happened was a...._

  
_*Your message is to long for the...*_

 

   He slams his phone on the table and tries not to chuck it across the room. He's spent far too much time trying to fix everything. And he can't force her to pick up the phone. Can't force her to talk to him. The closest they'd been in the last six years was two years ago, and that had been a disaster.

_You don't even understand why I'm angry because you still don't think you've done anything wrong._

   Her words echoed in his mind. He replayed them over and over for months and he still didn't get it. He knew he'd messed up, he'd even told her, but she just left. Packed up her stuff and moved. Started her own company. She had completely moved on with her life, so why couldn't he?

_Because I'm still in love with her._

   He hadn't ever stopped. They'd made promises. They had talked about forever and no more running away. And then suddenly his whole world shifted and she was no longer in it.

   Dig had tried to tell him to move on, but he just couldn't. He'd wait on her. It's been six years and she still hadn't found someone else, at least if the news was any indication. So he would wait. If she found someone else then he would throw in the towel and let her go.

   Even if it killed him. But he couldn't fix anything if she wasn't willing to at least speak to him. He just needed to get her to speak to him one more time.


	4. We Were Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter so far, and it really sets the story for almost all the flashbacks. Things happen, the story continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't say this enough how much all of your kudos and comments mean to me! Hope this was worth the wait:)

We Were Two

 

   She rubs her temples trying to calm the giant headache that would be sure to follow this awful evening. "There is nothing more frustrating than a long line of dead ends."

   "They were all dead ends?" Laurel asks.

   "All but one kept their mouths shut and the one who did talk said he was acting alone so YES, all dead ends."

   She can't help the way she snaps at her, but this is the fourth night this week they've been chasing dead ends into the early AM. Frankly, she just wants sleep and for Oliver and her to be home at the same time for once.

   "Maybe we should just take a small step back from this," Dig says gently. "There's more criminals to deal with besides this Vallis guy. We can keep pounding the pavement in the meantime."

   "This is THE guy John," Oliver says, "He's the one we've been after since we got back from the island. And it's like he can't be found. He's never seen, always has his henchmans do the work, and he's funneling a large amount of drugs all through Starling city."

   "And up until a year or so ago Frank Vallis didn't even exist," Felicity chimes in.

   "What do you mean didn't exist?" Oliver asks.

"I keep trying to find any old records of the guy, face recognition on street cams, bank records, electric bills. And nothing. The only things I'm finding are recent, like really recent and that seems off to me."

   "Because?" Laurel asks looking genuinely confused.

   "Because it means he either is super smart and created some kind of alias and deleted all past records of a previous life because I can find no facial recognition linking him to another name, or he is literally a one year old, middle aged man." She says plainly.

   "Meta human?" Oliver asks.

   "Cisco said there's nothing in their database, their information of Earth 2 is still so limited, but that the name sounded familiar. He's still digging."

   "Well keep looking, every henchman of his that we've run into so far doesn't seem to shoot to kill. And you remember what that last guy was saying. "It wasn't there." Diggle murmurs.

   "It's like they're looking for something." Oliver says.

   "Well if it's masked opposition they've found it." She deadpans.

   "Dinah, Renee, please go out and try to get the three dealers that evaded us earlier in the Glades. Not saying they're going to talk, but at least we can't stop them selling in the streets for the night." Oliver starts giving out orders and they both nod as he continues,

   "Curtis and John go home, you've got your families to worry about and you've done enough today. Laurel, feel free to reach out to Quentin because any additional information he has, we want too."

   "And Felicity?" He asks almost like a question.

   "Yes?"

   "I think we should grab some Big Belly and head back to the loft, I can see your mind is moving a mile a minute trying to solve this and it's going to do nothing but give you a migraine."

   It almost annoys her the way he can practically read her mind, which doesn't stop her from speaking hers.

   "Something about this doesn't feel right Oliver."

   "I agree, but you can't keep this up, the no sleeping and late nights. I need you in full form if we're going to figure this out."

   "Okay," she relents. It's not only the temptation of Big Belly on her mind, but she really needs a small break, and for once her and Oliver will actually be in the same space for more than twenty minutes.

   "Alright, everyone's done a good job tonight, we're moving in the right direction and when Vallis slips up, we'll find him. I'll see you all tomorrow."

   They make their way up the stairs and into dark night.

   Later after she's scarfed down two cheeseburgers and an order of fries they try to discuss this evenings past events.

   "None of this is making any sense. They're pedaling large amounts of drugs through low level thugs, they won't rat out their employer. Hell, half of them have never even met him. But they aren't trying to kill you guys out in the field."

   "No, they're not. It's like they're deliberately avoiding it if possible."

   "Then what is their endgame? They're pulling in more money than they could even imagine. It isn't power because they aren't tying to kidnap or coerce city officials. They're just..."

  "Selling drugs." Oliver interrupts her.

   "Which seems like such an oversimplification. I feel like they're wherever we are Oliver."

   "You don't think we've been bugged?" He asks.

   "No, but an informant maybe?" She tries nudging him towards the angle she's been mulling around in her head for a while.

   "Laurel isn't behind this one Felicity. It's just a coincid..."

   "Don't even complete that thought," she interrupts him. "I'm just trying to be thorough. I trust every single member of the team, but I just don't trust her."

   "Because she's Laurel's doppelgänger?"

   "Because she's so cagey every time we bring up this Vallis guy. And she's a second behind catching any one of his "guys" in the field. It's like she's letting them go on purpose."

   "Felicity."

   "Don't chastise me for seeing things that you're overlooking. This is odd, I'm simply saying these things that keep happening are odd and this is my logical conclusion. Did you know she was snooping around my computer the other day?"

   "At what?"

   "At the specs for her sonic scream amplifier, but I think she tried to erase where she was looking because she was looking into a lot more than that."

   "Like?" He asks her.

   "The incognitio software Curtis has been working on for Smoak industries."

   "Stealth?"

   "The untraceable super top secret project? Yes. And she tried to cover it up."

   "Maybe she realized she was looking in the wrong spot and didn't want to upset you," he answers her. "Did you ask her?"

   "So she can get even more defensive, no thank you. I've already encountered her sonic scream more than enough for my lifetime."

   "I think you're over worked and under appreciated and it's taking its toll on you." He smiles at her.

   "I'm trying to find a common denominator to this mess Oliver and when I'm right, all you're going to hear from me is I told you so." She admonishes him.

   "I think you're tired and cranky and you might be watching too many conspiracy theories on TV." He bites back.

   He says it so unmaliciously that she can't help but laugh, his train of thought and hers move in such different directions sometimes, but they usually end up near the same place. "Don't pretend you don't enjoy them too."

   He smiles standing up from the table. "Maybe I do, but not as much as you do." He says making his way towards her and his eyes narrow ever so slightly.

   "Oliver Jonas Queen." She chides him, but it doesn't deter him, he just moves closer, with a predatory grace she can't help but admire.

   "Felicity Megan Smoak."

   "We're both tired," she whines as she feels his arms slip around her, lifting her out of the chair.

   "And I'm taking you to bed." He says innocently.

   She's giggling as he makes small kisses from the top of her head to her neck. "Neither of us is getting any sleep tonight." She says still laughing.

   "Probably not." He agrees with her, as he brings her up the stairs.

   It's not until the next morning with his fingers drawing lazy lines across her back that she realizes this is how she wants to wake up for the rest of her life.

   "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" She murmurs hoping he can hear her.

   "More than I deserve."

   "I mean it Oliver," she says rolling around until her eyes meet his. "You're the most important part of my life."

   His hand cradles her face and she feels his thumb stoking her cheek absentmindedly. "You are my life," he smiles. "And there are times that we wake up like this and I can't help but wonder how we made it."

   "Well you pulled your head out of your ass."

   And he laughs, nodding his head in agreement. "You stopped walking out on me," he smirks at her, "Both literally and figuratively."

   She throws her hands over her face in embarrassment. That had been a tad dramatic, even for her, she still believed she'd done the right thing at the time.

   "We trust each other, we support each other," she whispers the words out from behind her hands. "I know you'll be by my side."

   "Always." And she can tell without looking that he's smiling. "Which is actually something I wanted to discuss with you."

   "Oh?" She says it like a question.

   "I think we should get married."

   "Oliver, be serious."

   "I am completely serious."

   "We're still getting the hang of things again," she murmurs, "We said slow."

   "And I know that, but I also know I don't ever want to wake up with anyone else the way I want to wake up to you. That isn't going to change."

   And just like that the same thing she'd been thinking earlier pops into her mind. Sometimes they truly were on the same page. But it was still too soon.

   "Can we table this talk for now?"

   "Felicity." He huffs out.

   "Not permanently, just for... a few days, weeks at most. You know we don't have time to plan a wedding right now with everything else going on."

   "But you'd say yes, right?" He asks smiling at her.

   "You wouldn't have asked if you thought I'd say no." She narrows her eyes at him.

   "You can't say I don't know what I want." His smile grows wider.

   "She leans into him, wrapping her arms around him, before whispering into his chest, "We've got plenty of time Oliver, we will get married one day, but I don't want to rush it all this time."

   She feels his arms wrap around her pulling her closer to him and she imagines their lives wrapped around each other like this.

   It's more than she could ever hope for to be honest. When she'd first met Oliver all those years ago the idea of them being here now was unthinkable, but now the idea of him not being in her life was unbearable.

   So sometimes when they had this small window of extra time together before they had to go out into the world she wanted nothing more than to stay in his arms.

  
   Later that night they're all in the lair and a few things begin to click into place for Felicity. She's tapping away at her keyboard when a voice interrupts her rhythm.

   "Do you mind if we speak privately for a minute," Laurel asks her.

   While Dig and Oliver were still sparring on the mats, and the idea of being alone with Laurel made her uneasy she didn't have the heart to tell her no.

   "We can head upstairs for a few minutes," she suggests.

   "That works for me," Laurel says quietly.

   Quiet, controlled Laurel set her even farther off the edge. There was just something in the way her demeanor had shifted from last night that showed a vulnerability Felicity had yet to see in her.

   "So what's up?"

   "I'm sure by now and after overreaching by snooping through your computer the other night you probably trust me even less than you already had when I joined the team." Laurel rushes it all out in one breath.

   "You would he correct."

   "And I'm assuming I did a terrible job covering my tracks and you saw that I was looking at your stealth project?" She makes the statement sound like a question.

   "You would also be correct."

   "I need you to understand that I'm not after it Felicity I promise I just... this is complicated."

   "You'll have to spell this out for me Laurel because I'm clearly missing something," she says, trying her best not to sound contrite.

   "You've been on my case since I got here, questioning all of my motives every decision I make..."

   "I'm protecting my family, forgive me if I think someone who once tried to kill me has ulterior motives." She bites back.

   "I get that, but that's part of the reason I couldn't tell you."

   She pauses and for a moment Felicity thinks she might cry, and to be quite honest that's not something she feels completely equipped for.

   "What couldn't you tell us Laurel?"

   "Frank Vallis killed my fiancée Ted Grant on earth 2.

   She is actually speechless. It was as if so many loose ends that Felicity has been so worried about we're finally finding their place.  But instead of remaining cool and collected she blurts out, "Frank Vallis is from earth 2?"

   "At first I thought, no. There was no way. How? But when you said there was no other records of him here on Earth 1, that can't be a coincidence." Laurel answers her.

   "It's why you've been so interested in catching him."

   "I want to kill him Felicity." She says evenly.

   "Laurel. That's not the way we do things anymore. You have to promise you won't."

   "I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." She brushes off any notion of promises.

   "That still doesn't explain why you were snooping through my computer though she murmurs."

   "When the two guys we brought in said "it wasn't there" she says emphasizing their words with air quotes, "I found a note in one of their pockets."

   She pulls it out of her own and shows Felicity the small chicken scratch drawing of the device. With the small Smoak Industries logo on the side she realizes that this top secret project is not nearly as secret as she thought. And across the top the words

 _We need this_.

   "Laurel, this is a hell of a lead."

   "I know and I'm sorry I kept it from you. It's not that I don't want to help you, but I've got something else invested in this too, if this really is him."

   "We'll find him and bring him to justice," Felicity murmurs squeezing laurels shoulder gently.

   "I'm counting on it," she murmurs back. "I really just wanted to catch you alone to tell you. I knew you'd understand."

   "Me?" Felicity laughs, "I figured I'd be the last person."

   "Oliver and Dig, I don't want to see the look of disappointment in their faces when they realize I kept this from them. They'll forgive me and it'll pass, but you on the other hand. I already expected you not to trust me so it couldn't get much worse."

  "I'm sorry Laurel." And she truly was, she remembered how angry she'd been when she thought Oliver had died. And when Billy was killed. There were pieces of yourself that you lose when grief takes them. She just needed to make sure Laurel didn't lose the only humanity she had left.

   "It okay, at some point, you'll learn to trust me the same way I'm trying to trust all of you."

   "I hope so," Felicity murmurs.

   "I'm going to call it a night though and head out," Laurel says gesturing over her shoulder. "Feel free to let the team know what's going on and hopefully I have burned the small bridges I've just begun to build with all of you."

    "Speaking from experience Laurel, all of us on this team at one point or another has hidden something trying to accomplish something else. We're all human."

   "Thanks, Felicity."

   "No problem, get some rest and we'll see you tomorrow."

    When Oliver and Felicity got home that night they both felt an uneasy shift in the air around them.

   "I believe her Felicity."

   She nods trying to run down all the information Laurel told her today.

   "Do you?" He asks her.

   "I honestly don't know. It makes sense, everything she said. And I hope it's true. But..."

   "You still don't trust her."

   "I'm trying to alright?"

   "I know you are." He says tugging her towards their bedroom. Before sitting on the edge of the bed and removing his shoes.

   She sits beside him and starts doing the same, before walking over to the bathroom to wash off her makeup and brush her teeth. By the time she's back he's already in his boxers tucked under the covers.

   "C'mere," he says patting the spot beside him.

   "Just one minute," she walks into their closet first changing out of her work clothes and into one of his t-shirts. She will never tire of his scent. And the way it feels wearing something that belongs to him.

   She throws back the covers before joining him in bed and she turns towards him.

   "You want to know why I think I believe her Oliver?"

   "Why?"

   "Because when she talked about wanting to kill Vallis I couldn't help but think of the way I felt when Malcolm brought back the sword that went through your chest," she says, touching the scar on his abdomen.

   "I wanted to kill Malcolm and Ra's, I knew I couldn't on my own but I just wanted... I wanted them to understand what they'd taken from me."

   "I'm glad you'd have avenged my honor." He chuckled.

   "This isn't funny Oliver."

   He places his hand on her cheek and he brushes along her jaw lightly. "I know it isn't. I know how hard that was for you."

  "I didn't even have the chance to tell you I loved you." She whispers.

   "I knew."

   "Let's get married Oliver." She blurts.

   "Felicity you just said..."

   "I know what I said, but tonight put some things in perspective."

   "I don't want this to be some "I think one of us might die so let's just do it" sort of thing. He says gently.

   "But that's just it Oliver, I don't want this to be like the time I didn't tell you I love you, or when you fought Adrian Chase and almost died. I have no kind of claim on you in the eyes of the law. I am not yours and you are not mine. William has a piece of you and Thea, but me?" Her voice dies out.

  "You have me," he smiles sadly.

   She continues avoiding eye contact. "I don't ever want there to be a time that either of us dies and we're not married first because we're too busy waiting for the perfect moment."

   He presses his forehead against hers before whispering. "I will always be yours."

  "Then marry me."

   "We'll need a guest list and a new venue."

   "We'll figure it out."

   "We always do." He leans in and touches his lips to hers gently. These are the kisses she will never tire of, the kind of love that people write songs about.

   She should have known at the time, that when things fall into place too easily it's usually too good to be true.


	5. Before Our Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short phone call chapter. I really do hope you all enjoy it though. I would say it answers some questions, but sort of sets up a whole new round of questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Sidenote: I will be attempting to update this every Monday now, as it's the day I've got the most free time to do so.* 
> 
> I appreciate all the love and kudos you guys give, it makes writing this even more wonderful knowing people out there are happy reading it. :)

 

_Before Our Time_

 

_*You've reached Felicity Smoak. If you're trying to get ahold of Smoak Industries you should leave your message at 773-893-8983. If your trying to get ahold of me, please leave your message after the beep.*_

   "Felicity I thought that if I gave you space and let you go things would change, I was sure you would come back. To the team... and to me. And after what happened in Hub City, it just felt like, I don't even know Felicity, but I finally got to see you after all that time. I'm going to hang up and call again probably. I've never felt more like that creepy Lacrosse stalker you talked about in college. But we were not done talking in Hub City. And we were not done talking in the loft all those years ago. I want to hear your voice, and I'm fairly sure you'll be at work right now, but I'll call you all the same."

   He hangs up the phone trying to figure out if this is the best course of action. Two years, it had been two years since he'd seen her in person. We'll that's not technically true, he'd stopped by Hub City a year ago to try and ambush her at work and force her to talk to him but he chickened out.

   Plus the idea of embarrassing her in front of her colleagues would not win him any favors. But she had to know even with all that security he could get in to see her if he wanted to. Hell, she'd help him break into high security buildings more than once. But she knew him, which means she'd already known he wouldn't confront her in person.

   So he was left to bide his time until she made up her mind one way or another. She still wore the band on her right hand, the one he'd told her to never take off, and he still wore his.

   Until, she cuts that final cord he still has hope that there will always be something between them holding them together. They'd promised each other a lifetime and for some reason that ring still meant something to him. Six months or six years as long as she still wore it, it would still matter to him.

_I'm just going to call one more time._

   It's what he told himself every night waiting for her to come back.

   They had lost themselves those last few months before she left. Her in her work and him as the Green Arrow. He remembered that look she had in her eyes. He could separate it. The before and the after.

   It was if the sea of blue he was always swept up in suddenly became ice. And he didn't help everything by constantly disappearing on her, or pushing her before he was ready. But playing the what if game about the past few years wouldn't accomplish anything now.

   He dials her number, hearing the ring, ring, ring... and suddenly there's a small click and he feels his heart racing.

"Felicity?"

   There's no answer, but he hears small even breaths on the other side.

"Felicity please."

   She still doesn't speak, but he's worried if he doesn't say what he needs to quickly, she'll hang up.

"I'm sorry for all that I've done that's ruined this for us. You are still the best thing that's happened in my life. I love you, you have to know that... If we could just sit down for a minute and really talk, that's all I want. That's it."

   He hears her breaths still, even, and slow, but she says nothing and he knows she isn't going to say anything now. Whether it's because she doesn't want to or she hasn't forgiven him he doesn't know. But he expects the final click when he hears it this time.

   "I'm sorry for ruining things before they even really started." He murmurs into the silence.


	6. I Was Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Remember when I said not all of the flashbacks are in order? Yeah, well this is one of them and I think it will bring about a few more questions for all of you. But I swear most will be answered in the next few chapters. Enjoy!

She's lying in bed when she hears him come in again to check on her. She understands he's trying to make things better for her, and that he's healing too in his own way, but she can't handle any extra emotions right now, she has plenty of her own to deal with. Most of the time when he's here, he avoids talking to her anyway.

_Stay put Felicity._

That's what Oliver had said to her before she had completely fucked things up for herself. And now they were here.

"You need to get some air," he whispers, before lying down beside her.

She notices he's careful not to touch her, and she doesn't know how she feels about that.

"I was just out on the balcony an hour ago." She murmurs.

"I mean like outside air, besides this building air. Let's take a small walk around the block, it might help." He nudges her.

He's just trying to be there for her. It's the best thing he can think to do when he's not off patrolling the streets. But he isn't there in the night when she feels alone or there in the morning to reassure her anymore.

This man lying next to her she shares with Star City, both professionally and personally. And she can't sort all of that out in her current headspace.

"I just want to stay here Oliver."

"It been two weeks."

Had it really been two weeks? It feels like just yesterday she laid down in the bed and stopped wanting to wake up.

"We need to be together in this." He says.

She can't help the small laugh that slips through her lips. It sounds so bitter, even to her own ears. "Is that why you've been out in the streets every night?" She says to him, "Why I stay here all day and all night by myself?"

"You said..."

"I said I understood, not that it was okay Oliver. Have you found her?"

"No, but we're chasing leads, and there's so many other things going on in the city right now."

She doesn't really feel anything as he's speaking and that scares her. For as many emotions she's been flipping through these days they boil down to a few. And hope isn't one of them. "Mmmm," she murmurs unable to come up with a better response.

"I promise," he says brushing her cheek carefully with his hand, "When I find her I will be back here. With you. With whatever you need." He smiles, but it doesn't stretch across his face in happiness like it used to.

"I need you now Oliver," she hates the way she sounds weak when she says it. The way she's grasping at anything that will tether her to the present. If he starts to disappear she isn't sure that she won't too. Because as much as he won't admit it, he's not handling any of these either, he's just denying and compartmentalizing it like he always does.

He shakes his head slowly and she realizes he's already gone. His mind is moving to the next step. Survive. Move forward. Assess collateral damage. And in this case that is her.

"I've called Donna, and she'll be here this afternoon, she wants to see you, says you haven't been answering any of her calls."

"Because I haven't."

"It'll be good for you to have her, she's always been there for you."

"Yeah, always." She whispers.

He leans over placing a light kiss on her forehead, her eyes close and she feels the tears forming. The words are stuck in her throat, and now she's feels like she's choking on them. She wants to tell him she's sorry and that she should have listened, but he should have listened to her too. When she opens her eyes a moment later he's already gone.

 

_Stay put Felicity._

 

  
As Donna arrived that afternoon and Diggle gave her a lift to the loft she can't help but ask, "Where is Oliver in all this? He called me and told me she needed me, but why are you the one picking me up from the airport?"

"He's trying to find who did this."

"Shouldn't Mayor Handsome leave it to the police and be there for his wife?"

She isn't trying to attack him, but her baby girl is hurting and she doesn't  know if she'll be able to fix it. Oliver's tone over the phone was borderline panic and the way he kept talking about Felicity. Using the words "lifeless" and "empty" had her on the first plane out. She just wanted answers that Mr. Diggle wouldn't be able to give her the same way Oliver could.

"They're both handling it differently Donna. It's far more complicated than that."

"She'll pull through this, she's a strong woman my daughter, nothing keeps her down."

But she had this feeling, one she couldn't put her finger on that worried her.

"I think you're right Ms, Smoak."

But what Donna wasn't expecting was the state her daughter would been in when she got to the apartment.

  
_Two weeks later_

  
He finds his way to their front door and dreads being the one to open it. Donna texted him half an hour ago SOS. And he wasn't sure what to expect.

He opens the door and she's right there all ready to pounce on him.

"Where have you been?"

"At the office?" He says hesitantly.

"Not today Oliver, every day, all day, these last two weeks?!"

"At the office."

"You are out until God knows when in the early morning, don't think I don't hear you when you sneak in. And when you do stop in you're sleeping on the couch. I swear if you're out drinking while your wife is practically catatonic in there I will..."

"What's happened?" He asks feeling his heartbeat start to pick up. Surely Donna was exaggerating. Felicity wasn't in the best state when he'd left her, but she was grieving, they both were.

"She isn't showering, she isn't eating, or talking. She just sits there or sleeps. She isn't herself Oliver."

"I just saw her yesterday."

"You saw her three days ago Oliver."

He's ashamed at the way he hasn't paid attention to time. That he's spent so many hours awake and at work or in the bunker that he hasn't stopped by the loft.

But he's doing this for her. Trying to give them the closure they need. Time seems slower now, like each moment passing is one more second that they don't have answers and her wounds keep getting deeper.

He doesn't want to go to her empty handed again and see that look in her eyes, she never used to look at him like that. With such disappointment, but he doesn't have a choice now.

He pushes past Donna to their bedroom and his heart almost stops at the sight of her. The bags under her eyes are practically blue from exhaustion, and absentmindedly he wonders how much actual time shes spent sleeping. Her hair is greasy and knotted and she looks paler, thinner than he remembers.

The bruises along her body have faded, but they're still visible. He almost turns to Donna to ask when this happened but thinks better of it because he already knows.

_This happened while you were too busy to be here._

"Felicity honey?" He whispers, and she turns her head ever so slightly in his direction.

"We need to," he pauses, unsure of himself for a moment. "We need to get you showered and fed and then. We should watch a movie, or maybe go see Dig."

"No."

"Felicity be reasonable." He almost pleads.

"She won't do it Oliver, shes stubborn like me, but this is something else entirely." Donna whispers behind him.

But he decides in an instant that what she needs is someone who isn't afraid of her anger. Someone who will lay in it with her and be willing to be a punching bag. He doesn't think Donna quite has the stomach for it right now.

"I've got it from here Donna. If you could maybe order some take out the menus are in the kitchen on the fridge. I'm just going to get her cleaned up and then we'll be out there to join you."

Donna gives him an uneasy look before patting his shoulder gently, "Good luck."

He turns before moving in on her, and says evenly, "You need to take a shower and we need to get you some food."

"I don't want to move Oliver."

He wondered if she would understand how hard it's been to stay away from her, when every bone in his body wanted to do the opposite. But he was tired of coming back here with no good news, and he could only imagine how much she'd been beating herself up about it. She would be angry now, but he was going to get through to her.

"If you won't go on your own I'll carry you."

"No."

"I'm not kidding Felicity." He says inching closer, almost as if he was trying not to spook a scared animal.

"Neither am I."

He slides his arms under her and she tries to wriggle out of his grasp, but he holds firm.

"Let go of me!" She yells, her fists hitting his chest.

He tries to keep his composure as he walks them into the bathroom and turns the shower on, all with her in his arms. But it hurts him to see her like this. She's broken and this time it's his fault.

"Are you going to get in or do I have to go with you?" He asks her.

When she says nothing he kicks off his shoes before walking into the shower with her in his arms, both of them fully clothed.

"Put me down." She says more evenly now that both of them are soaking wet.

He hesitates for a moment, but does as she asks and she sways on her feet. He feels his hands gravitate towards her waist to steady her.

"Why didn't you believe me?" She says pushing him away from her and she wraps her arms around herself.

They stand that way for a moment mere inches apart but it might as well be a mile with the distance between them.

"I trusted you Oliver, everything that's happened everything that we've been through together..." She stops for a moment and her eyes meet his.  
"This was supposed to be the best year of our lives, and now... now I wish this past year had never happened."

"You don't mean that." He says taking a step closer to her, trying not to get distracted by the water droplets sliding down his face.

"I have nothing left in here." She says placing her hand over her heart. "I feel alone and isolated and all these other things. You aren't here and my mom is trying to make me feel better, but this isn't something she can just fix. I don't even know if I want to fix this. I feel alone."

She repeats it slowly as if that's all there is.

"You are not alone," he says pulling her closer to him.

"It was my fault," she whispers, he almost doesn't hear it over the water splashing around them. "I made a mistake Oliver."

"It wasn't your fault."

"But it was, I made the wrong call sent you all to the wrong place and then went out on my own to try to stall him."

"You couldn't have known that was going to happen."

"All the intel was right,"she whispered. "Everything was right."

"It wasn't. No one could have known." He tries to reason with her.

"I knew better, and it still..."

He pulls her into his chest, feeling her shaking and he knows she's crying.

"I just want the pain to stop," she says between sobs. And he tries his best to sooth her, rubbing his hands down her back.

How did he miss this, how did he let her slip so far? Why did he think Donna was going to fix everything? He should have been here.

"This was my fault," he says taking his face in her hands. "My fault. You would never have gone out there if it wasn't for me. None of this shit would be happening if I didn't constantly try to do things my way all the time."

"You told me to stay put." She says quietly.

The bruising around her arms had faded to a light yellow and the stitches below her ear left only a small scar physically. He knew she had more scratches and bruises along her body, but they both knew it was more than that.

"I'm sorry," he whispers to her over and over, both of them crying now. Holding each other as their clothes are now completely drenched.

 

Donna hears the sound of their sobs from the kitchen and wonders if they might make it through this together after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, and all the love is wonderful. You're all great!:))
> 
> Feel free to find me on tumblr: http://Intothevoid6.tumblr.com


	7. Before I Knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another phone call, things happen and a few questions are answers. Enjoy!:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hides face behind hands* 
> 
> I know I promised to update every Monday, but things piled up last week and I was working like crazy. Luckily I had yesterday to edit, so here it is!

After months and months of embarrassing voicemails, he had finally gotten through to her.

_She answered_.

Sure, she didn't actually speak, and yes the entire phone call wasn't more than a minute, but she had answered. Which meant maybe Felicity missed him too.

Sighing, he glances around the loft, at the emptiness and the kitchen over cluttered with empty takeout boxes. Letting his eyes wander and letting his mind wander as well. 

She didn't exist in this loft anymore.

_Nowhere_.

She was nowhere.

While that wasn't entirely true, he still had a few pictures of the both of them scattered around the loft, her presence was no longer here. That's what he missed the most.

He felt his heart clench at the thought. And then his heart almost stopped altogether, because she would always be with him. He hasn't tried to call her again after she picked up last week. He didn't want to think about if she would pick up again.

He wasn't sure which would be worse, going to voicemail or just hearing her breathe. But like the true glutton for punishment he is, he feels himself dial her number, digit by digit, before tapping the green button.

It rings a few more times and his breath falters.

_You've reached Felicity Smoak. If you're trying to get ahold of Smoak Industries you should leave your message at 773-893-8983. If you're trying to get ahold of me, please leave your message after the beep._

He doesn't leave a message as she already knows it's him. He places his phone gently on the counter before going to collect all the garbage he has around the small space.

Maybe it's a good thing she didn't answer, he'd be embarrassed if Felicity could see how he's living now. He hasn't cooked in months, his laundry isn't done, and he decided to stop using the cleaning service she'd hired after he realized only he would be living in the loft.

He was living like half a person.

The sudden ringing of his phone echoed in the silence, startling him, and his heart was racing as he heard the ringtone that was specifically picked for her.  

Hesitantly, he picked it up, and pressed the small green button and didn't speak, instead waiting for the her to talk. There was silence for a moment, and neither of them spoke, but he couldn't stand it any longer.

"Felicity."

She didn't respond, but he could hear her breathing, just like the last time.

"I don't know how long you're willing to listen and I know that all of my calls are probably driving you crazy, but I just need to speak to you. Face to face, just once."

He knew that if he could at least meet her eyes while talking, then she would at least hear him out. His eyes were her weakness, she'd once told him so herself. "Please."

"The time for talking is over." Her voice says evenly.

He inhales deeply, slightly panicked that she even answered him at all, and ignoring the way his heart feels like it's about to pound right out of his chest.

"I'm sorry."

A few more beats pass between them and she doesn't answer, but she's still there, he can still hear the small breaths she's taking.

"I know I fucked up, I know that. But you ran and you promised, we promised each other to be in this."

"Does it count if you were already running the whole last few months we were together? She asks, keeping her tone even.

He pauses for a few seconds, and they could both feel the tension between them. He begins pacing around the living room unable to find an answer that might placate her.

"It's good to see that your skills as a liar haven't improved." She snips at him.

He wonders if they would have had this kind of conversation towards the end, if it wouldn't have helped just a little bit. Now it all seems a little to late.

"I'm not trying to come up with a lie Felicity, I just don't know what you want me to say."

"Like I said Oliver, the time for talking is over, we missed that chance."  

He's momentarily distracted by hearing his name on her lips that he doesn't even recognize his tone until his words are already out. "You must really think so little of me, if you don't think I'll keep calling and waiting until you tell me to stop. And we both know, I'm not talking about the word."

"I don't think so little of you." She whispers quietly.

And as much as he tries to stop it, his heartbeat picks up once again. "Then let me come visit you in Hub City, or you can stop by the loft the next time you're in town."

He tries not to sound desperate. He hears her take a deep breath, and he knows that while she may have called him back, she has no intentions of seeing him anytime soon.

"Nothing has changed Oliver."

"You're right Felicity, I'm still in love with you."

There is complete silence for a second, and he can almost hear the anger radiating from the end of the line. He didn't care at this moment, as he was just so tired of pretending he had moved on, when clearly he had not.

"I'm not sure you know what love is Oliver. You know what you did. I needed you and you weren't there. We needed each other."

"And I'm here now."

"It's too late."

"You don't mean that." His jaw clenches, and his hand grips the phone tighter.

If the tension was thick before, it's ten times that now. "You should stay away from Hub City," she warns him, "We know how poorly that went the last time."

He just nods, not saying anything, and not acknowledging that she can't see his movements anyway.

"I'm not giving up on us yet." He whispers. He can hear her mouth parting and closing again as she tries to come up with the right words. He knows her, even after all this time, she doesn't want to babble it all out.

Instead she opts for something more final at the moment.

"Goodnight Oliver."

His heart stills, as he mimics her words back.

"Goodnight Felicity."

He stared at the phone after they've both hung up and feels like he's in some state of shock.

She had called him?

And he kept looking at his phone log and the length of the call to determine that the whole thing hadn't been a dream.

He'd heard her voice. She'd said his name. He told her he was still in love with her. And she was still very, very, angry.

If he had been surprised by her answering his call the last time, her calling him back tonight was on a completely different level.

Yet, even now he felt no more understanding then he had felt six years ago, and he hated it.

He hated the way they had stopped talking. He hated how she didn't want him to come and see her in Hub City. And he hated how she had walked out of their life six years ago.

For a long time, he had thought he would never be able to forgive her for that. But over time he realized he already had. So if he could forgive her for walking out, maybe she could forgive him for all those missed appointments.

And every other single time he'd avoided them, and her, and the team. By calling him back she'd swung that door right open, and now he wasn't going to look back.

When he made his way up to bed that night he glanced around their old room. He saw the huge wooden beams of the loft overhead, the loft was much darker at night. Really only illuminated by the Star City skyline. And no matter how many times he tried to use the whole bed to make up for her absence, he found himself crowded to his side by morning. Leaving her enough space because she always ended up over the middle anyway.

He had thought, for a fleeting moment, about selling the loft. Lord only knew how many bad things had happened here, but it was almost like a thorn in his side. Begging him to give in and give up, but he would not relent.

This may have been Thea's once upon a time, but Felicity had made it theirs and they had started building a life together in this place. And he'd be damned to let someone take that from him.

He falls back into the bed, and tucks the covers up under his arms before he realizes that was the first time he's heard her voice directly in two years.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments, kudos, and all the love is wonderful. You're all great!:)) Feel free to find me on tumblr: http://Intothevoid6.tumblr.com


	8. And You Have Always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So finally, the flashback to Hub City that's been mentioned in previous chapters. I've upped the rating, just to be safe. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So full disclosure, I'll be replying to comments right after I post this, but I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate you all reading this.

Ch. 8 

 

He and Diggle are sparring on the mats when he hears her voice and his head whips around looking for her, before Diggle knocks him right on his ass.

"Ow."

"You can't lose focus, Oliver."

"You don't hear her?" He asks.

When Diggle looks around the darkened space he sees Curtis up at the computer station watching the news.

_And there she was._

 

_**"Ms. Smoak, the charity gala being held on Ted Kord's estate this weekend will benefit who exactly?" The report questions her** _

_**"Public Schools that are interested in technology and robotics labs, but they potentially don't have the funds to do so."** _

_**"And your hoping that with a little financial backing from Hub City's finest you can make that happen?"** _

_**"Yes, we're hoping to provide them to at least ten schools."** _

_**"Why not branch out?"** _

_**"Pardon?" She asks, and it's the first time in the entire interview that she appears unnerved.** _

_**"After all your a friend to some of the wealthiest people in the world, surely you could have them fund such a thing."** _

_**"And who pray tell should I invite?" She teases the reporter.** _

_**"Well, Bruce Wayne, Lex Luther, and what about Oliver Queen?"** _

_**Her expression remains neutral, but she pauses a moment before answering.** _

_**"Well if any of them would like to attend they are always welcome."** _

_**"Have you spoken to Mr. Queen since you abruptly left Star City a few years ago?"** _

_**If he's fishing for informations, she's not biting, at least not this time.** _

_**"We parted on good terms, and I go home and visit often. There's no animosity there."** _

_**"Then why didn't you invite him personally?"** _

_**She narrows hers eyes at the reporter for a moment before looking right at the camera.** _

_**"Mr. Oliver Queen, Mayor of Star City, if you would be interested in attending our charity gala this Saturday afternoon at Ted Kord's estate you are more than welcome. Be sure to bring your wallet. Furthermore any wealthy individuals wanting to show their love and support to a cause near and dear to my heart should all join. It's a great investment in our children's futures."** _

Curtis clicks off the newscast before they can see any more of it, but Oliver is stunned.

"Don't even think about it Oliver," Dig glares at him.

"She said we were friends," he murmurs, "She invited me."

"Under duress of that reporter."

"She could have easily said we drifted apart Dig." He says back.

"It's not a good idea man."

"I mean who knows, maybe she's decided to bury the hatchet," Curtis murmurs.

Diggle shoots him a look, but Oliver's mind is already moving a mile a minute.

"I'll need a plane ticket, my suit dry cleaned, and a haircut."

"She likes your hair longer," Curtis chimes in.

"Not helping," Diggle says, "This is not a good idea Oliver, if you show up there, with all these ideas about fixing things in your head, you're going to be disappointed when it doesn't happen."

"It's just a charity event Dig, that the mayor of Star City would be happy to help support."

"You keep trying to kid yourself man, but we all know that this is going to be a disaster."

When his car pulls up to the estate three days later, it's magnificent. He always knew that Ted Kord was also fairly wealthy, but this was beyond even what the Queen mansion once was.

With a full wraparound driveway and intricate sculptures across the front steps leading up to the antique brick, it was a marvelous sight. Ruined only slightly by the man he saw at the top of the entryway.

None other than Bruce Wayne making his way into the Ballroom.

_So I guess he took up Felicity on her invite as well._

He tried to spot her amongst the crowd of people, but there were too many as he made his way towards where the music was playing.

With the actual auction not set to take place for another three hours, it didn't stop people from perusing what was already out. He saw an arrangement of vintage cars, movie memorabilia, and various dinners and memberships.

Making his way to his table looking for where he would sit for dinner and saw that again, he was placed with Bruce Wayne and some model he recalled seeing on the cover of some magazine. Barbara Gordon was also there with her father. With two more empty spaces, with no name-cards.

"It's seems we're all a last minute addition," Bruce chuckles extending his hand out to shake.

"Oliver."

"Mr. Wayne."

"Oh please, call me Bruce."

"Mr. Wayne." Oliver repeats himself. It's not so much that he doesn't like the guy, so much as he parades around with his endless models and endless money while secretly becoming The Batman in the dark of night. Felicity deduced as much when he made a few trips to Star City to grab some of his runaway criminals.

Oliver didn't like an unknown entity in his turf, and Batman, really didn't give a shit.

So suffice it to say, they butted heads as vigilantes and now he couldn't help the rift that now existed in public too.

Plus, he tried to snake Felicity out from under him when she'd first joined the team all those years ago. It was just something he couldn't let go of.

But Bruce's voice brought him back to the present. "Dinners about to be served. You made it just in time." He gave him a knowing nod.

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world." He smirked right back.

As dinner slowly passed and dessert was served he heard someone tapping a microphone, before turning his head towards the sound.

_And there she was._

Felicity Smoak, love of his life, wearing a red dress that almost made his mouth water, with her signature red covering her lips. Heels high enough to showcase the long slit up her leg. She smiled before speaking.

"Thank you all for joining us tonight, the auction will being in an hour and a half, but please feel free to make your way to the dance floor for a spin around the room. To the press here tonight, please be kind, we all know how the camera adds ten pounds," she jokes, laughing lightly.

"Mr. Kord was pulled away on an emergency this evening, but he also wanted to extend his thanks. As a company founded on the future, technology in our youth is important to him, and it's part of the reason he recruited me Smoak technologies wouldn't exist without his parent company and the endless opportunities he has given me."

"How you let that woman slip through your fingers I'll never know," Bruce said beside him, distracting him from her final words before she stepped away from the microphone and blended back into the crowd.

"Neither do I," he whispered back.

"You should go to her, ask her to dance," Bruce's date says to him, "Women love that."

"I don't dance."

"Maybe this time you should." She chides him.

He steps away from the table before diving into the crowd in search of her. He just needs five minutes to talk to her. Just to get her to speak to him once.

She's checking out one of the vintage black Ferrari's before she freezes, and he knows she can feel eyes on her.

She turns slowly, before sizing him up, and when their eyes meet he feels his pulse pick up.

She takes a tentative step towards him and he does the same, before they're within feet of each other.

"Oliver... it's... it's nice to see you."

"Likewise."

"How are things?"

She cringes as she says it and he realizes they've never truly been alone together since their falling out, not that they're even really alone now.

"I'd say you know more about my life than I know about yours."

"Can we not with the fighting?" She asks evenly.

"How about we dance instead?" He says extending a hand to her.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

When he frowns, she pauses looking over his shoulder at the few press allowed into the event, and Oliver turns too.

The reporter from her interview is there watching them from a distance, waiting.

"One dance," she says relenting.

"Okay," he says taking her by the wrist before spinning her out onto the dance floor. Just because he didn't dance, didn't mean he wasn't good at it. His mother had made him take lessons for years, maybe now they would pay off.

He felt her hand in his and his other stayed high on her back, and there was a certain rigidity to their movements. He tried to alleviate some of it.

"This charity event seems to be a hit, you should be proud."

"I am," she practically beams. "This has been an endeavor for sure, but we've made a strong headway with different schools willing to build additions and include more computer science classes into their curriculum."

"That's wonderful."

"It is."

He tries to drift into more friendly territory, but comes up short, "I don't know if I've already mentioned it tonight, but you look lovely."

"We don't have to make this more uncomfortable than the it already is Oliver."

"Red always was your color," he says, ignoring her comment.

They don't meet each other's eyes, but they can feel all the eyes watching them around the ballroom. The mayor and his IT girl. The fairytale that fell apart, but now they were both here and almost all the people in the room were trying to pick up on the tension.

Maybe Diggle had been right, perhaps he shouldnt have come.

He felt his hand slowly slide down her back in a way that was still familiar and he saw her wince.

"I'm sorry."

"It's nice to see that you're still constantly apologizing."

"The waltz will be over in a minute Felicity and then you can go back to pretending I don't exist."

"I haven't been pretending..."

"Oh haven't you? Stopping by Star City when you know I'm not in town. Purposely visiting every member of the team except for me. Hell, you even still regularly speak to Thea, but not to me."

"I learned a long time ago that if I didn't try to cut you out as much as I was able, I would keep accepting all these things that I wasn't actually okay with." She admonishes him.

"You just left."

"And you didn't ever show up." She said between gritted teeth, her smile still perfectly in place.

"You tried to make me choose."

"And you made your decision perfectly clear."

He tries to hold an even look across his face, but he can feel himself beginning to frown. This was not going the way he expected.

"So where does this leave us?" He asks.

"There is no us anymore Oliver."

"But I love you."

And it slips out the way it used to, between morning goodbyes and goodnight kisses. When his eyes drift down to hers he can even place the pain there. He's hit a nerve whether she's willing to admit it or not.

"I'm not doing this Oliver," she says slowly, stepping out of his arms, getting ready to bolt. He didn't even realize the song had stopped.

She pats his arm gently and he sees the cameras are still everywhere, watching.

"So you're just running away again? He says after her.

"You should go home Oliver, Star City needs you."

And when she says things like that it almost stops him in his tracks. Just like she knew it would, but not this time. He was tired of her running and tired of not having answers.

She was making a fast pace out of the ballroom and he was nonchalantly trying to follow her, but it didn't matter, there were still eyes he could feel hovering over him... And her. But he didn't care.

It wasn't until they were off a far corridor that he realized his mistake, how was he supposed to have a private conversation with her when he didn't know where each of these rooms led.

Then as if she sensed his presence she whipped around facing him.

"Oliver go back to the party."

"No."

"Go back to the party and then go home."

"Not until you give me some answers." He says stepping towards her, but she doesn't cower or step back like he expects.

"I don't owe you anything."

"You don't owe me anything?"He almost yells down the hallway. "My wife, my partner in life walked out of my life with no explanation other than we were drifting apart and I was absent suddenly invites me to a charity gala and I'm supposed to pretend that all of this is normal?"

"I really don't care what you pretend Oliver, but don't you dare start causing a scene when we go back out there because I've built a life for myself here. It's important to me."

"And our life together wasn't?"

She stills and he thinks for a moment that she might respond, but instead she waves him off with her hand before continuing down the hallway.

"Oh sure, keep running away, it's what you do best." He says taunting her.

But it does the exact opposite of what he wants as she whips around walking straight towards him. Her finger poking his chest as she lets all of it go.

"You do not get to blame me for everything that went wrong here Oliver, because by the time you realized something was even wrong, by the time you actually decided to show up, it had been that way for months while I waited for you."

"I waited for you." she whispers, repeating herself.

"And I haven't stopped," he says right back.

He knows she feels it too the tension between them, that's kind of always been present. It's no different now, with her this close to him and her eyes drift up towards his. She looks almost lost for a moment. Before stepping back.

"We're not doing this now."

"Felicity."

And when she doesn't walk away he pulls her by the wrist into the closest room. She falls back against the door, her eyes blazing and she tilts her head up towards his and one of his hands winds its way into her blonde hair as the other slides down her back.

"We shouldn't be back here." She murmurs.

"It's a beautiful office," he says, not taking his eyes off her, but he caught a quick glance when he pulled her into the room.

"This won't change anything."

"You say that now."

"Nothing's changed Oliver."

In one swift motion he slides his hands down to her waist, picking her up with his brute strength, but it felt like gliding before he places her on the edge of the desk.

She expected him to be rough, as she'd dealt with Oliver like this before. Make up sex was something they'd encountered more than a few times, but he didn't even realize this wasn't what that was.

Still he knew how her body reacted to his touch and he anticipated it, loved it. She spread her legs as he stepped up right in between them and she felt his breath on her face. Hesitating.

She looked up at him under the dim lights in the old office and he just stared at her. Taking her face in his hands gently and kissing the corner of her mouth before whispering against it.

"You're so beautiful."

She swallows the large lump in her throat before grabbing him by the back of his neck and pulling his mouth towards hers.

She missed this, the way his lips could be gentle and kind and bruising and rough the next. This was the latter and she was not complaining. He was devouring her and she tried to bite back the moan as he kissed his way down her neck and back up, before she felt his mouth graze her ear.

_"God, I've missed you."_

She shivered against him, before her hands wound their way around his neck pulling his mouth to hers once more. Before he pulled away.

His eyes darkened and she realized that as much as they both wanted this, they would regret it tomorrow.

Tilting her head up, she looked into his eyes, his breaths were as heavy as hers had become, and they both just kept staring, unable to be the first one to blink.

But after a few moments her eyes focused on the rest of his face, that delicious scruff he always kept, before slowly glancing down at his strong neck and broad chest.

_Why after all these years did he still have to be so god damn handsome?_

She felt her face flush at the thought and when she looked up she knew he saw it too. Heat pooled lower in her belly and judging by the bulge she felt as he pressed up close against her, he was just as aroused as she was.

His hands slide down her thighs and under her dress, while hers make their way to the buttons on his white collared shirt.

As her nails slid down his chest his hips pushed into hers and she felt him right against her.

His lips find her neck again, as her hands trail down to his belt. Unbuckling it with trembling hands. They hadn't done this in a long time and he felt her hesitation.

"What do you need?" She felt him whisper against her neck.

"Condom?" She blurts.

She feels his chuckle and the vibration from his mouth sends a whole new level of shivers down her spine.

He reaches into his coat pocket and pulled out a condom, expertly tearing the wrapper with his teeth.

She didn't waste any time unzipping his pants and grabbing onto his length before she felt his arm circle around her back, pulling her closer.

She felt the tip of his erection against her, and she had a sharp intake of breathe. She wanted him. She was wanted this, even if it would hurt later.

His eyes moved up towards hers.

Her heart was thundering in her chest.

And then she felt him thrust inside her just once, filling her.

He pulled out and did it again more slowly, and she felt aggravated because she knew this Oliver too. He wasnt trying to make this hard and quick. He was trying to make love to her. And she didn't think she could handle that right now.

Her nails scratched his torso, as she felt him twitch inside her, before moving her hands up his neck to pull him closer. Her lips ghosting over his chin and down his neck. He would never admit it, but it was his sweet spot. And he wouldn't be able to resist.

And suddenly she felt him shift, thrusting inside, before he'd pull out and do it again. Over and over she felt his hips snap against hers. She bit back a moan as she felt every wonderful inch of him fill her up and the sensation of fire across her skin.

She closed her eyes, allowing herself feel it take over, that small wave of pleasure Oliver always wanted to give her. Their breaths became faster and rougher. Him trying to bring her to the edge and her trying to pull him over with her.

As he kept up the rhythm she felt his hands in her hair, down her back, just anywhere he could touch her, and she still felt that fire, burning from the inside out.

"I'm close," she murmurs into his ear as he keeps up his unrelenting pace.

His mouth finds hers and his tongue slips inside and she remembers how much she loves that. His absolute love of pleasuring her.

She feels the wave pick up and knows she can't hold out for much longer, biting down on her lower lips to keep from screaming out.

And just as she feels it overtake her, she feels his rough voice in her ear.

"God, I love you."

And she stills as she feels him still pumping in and out of her to finish himself off. The small thrumming that she isn't sure is from her orgasm or his. But she already knows this was wrong.

_They should not have done this._

Oliver has this sweet loving look on his face and she knows she's about to break it.

He pulls out of her before removing the condom and disposing it in a nearby trash.

"Does this office have a side bathroom or something?" He asks.

Her heartbeat starts to pick up again at the thought of him helping her clean up.

"No, it's fine. I'm all good."

"You sure?" He asks smiling.

"Yeah, we should... we should really get back to the party."

"Or we could skip out on the party and get out of here," he whispers. "Grab some real food, catch a movie."

"Oliver, I told you this wasn't going to change anything."

"Don't try to pretend you didn't feel it too Felicity."

"I think I always will, but that doesn't change the fact that we had real problems and issues that were not worked through."

"I'm ready to work through them now." He answers.

"And I'm not ready to be disappointed when you back out on me again."

"So that's it then." He says it with such a sense of defeat that she wants to reach out and comfort him, but she knows it would only make it worse.

"That's it."

He makes a quick show of buttoning up his shirt and tucking it back in, securing his belt, and trying to tame his tousled hair. Making his way towards the door before stopping at the last second.

He doesn't turn around, but she can still hear the pain in his voice when he whispers, "If this is really how you feel, you should probably take that ring off."

"You first," she says without thinking.

He shakes his head just once before opening the door and walking back out towards the party.

For once he's the one walking away.


	9. Been Mine Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another phone call and this is it. At least a large part of the puzzle clicking together. I hope it doesn't disappoint, as there is more of this story still to tell.

When she answers this time, she seems more impatient than the last time she took his call.

"What do you need Oliver?"

"I'm just calling to talk."

She lets out a huff before speaking, "You always manage to have awful timing."

"Anything you want to vent about?" He asks evenly. Trying to steer away from them and the very obvious gap existing in between.

"Just work, my mom, and my apartment is being fumigated. It's a lot all at once." She rushes out.

"One at a time then." He smiles, not that she can see it. He waits to see if she'll bite, considering she used to vent to him about Palmer Tech bullshit regularly.

"Well we're opening a branch in Beijing and I'm in charge of that, and my mom's been in and out of the hospital for tests, and then some stupid tenant in my building decided to try and start a flea circus and it failed spectacularly, so now all of us are suffering."

"What's going on with your mom?" He asks worried.

"Nothing serious, and she doesn't want to worry anyone about it, but she's as paranoid as I am about her health."

And he can tell she's not telling the entire truth, just by the way her voice shifts, but he doesn't call her on it. He doesn't really have a right to.

"If you or she needs anything, just let me know."

"Because you'll drop everything and come out here." She murmurs.

"And we were doing so well," he muses.

"Avoiding very obvious problems doesn't help anything Oliver. Hell, it's what got us into this mess."

"Does it help if I say I'm sorry?" He asks.

"Not when you don't mean it."

"What do I have to do to prove it to you? I get I made a mistake, many mistakes, but I don't know how long I have to keep saying sorry if you won't tell me how to fix it."

She pauses on the other end and his heartbeat has already picked up. Out of anger or excitement he doesn't know. He just doesn't know how she wants him to make anything better, when she won't tell him.

"I don't want you to fix it because you know I want you to, you should want to fix it for you Oliver."

"You asked me to hang up the hood Felicity." He murmurs. "How could you think I would ever do that, after what happened to you?"

"It would have been temporary, while you got back into a better headspace."

"You tried to give me an ultimatum!" He snaps at her.

"I shouldn't have had to Oliver! That's what you still don't understand. I needed you more than Star City did, for a small sliver of time. The team could have kept everything going in our absence, but you couldn't see it. It's just who you are." She practically snaps right back.

"And who is that exactly?"

"A man who disregards the opinions of people he actually cares about over the people he's trying to save. You've got some kind of God complex, you always have. You know how many of those appointments with our therapist I went to on my own? All twenty-six of them. Every single one. While I made excuses for why you weren't there..."

"Felicity." He interrupts her, but she continues.

"I tried to process my grief, you should have been processing yours and we should have been side by side. They were an hour and a half sessions Oliver. Why couldn't you carve out even a small piece of time? Why..."

"Felicity, please stop talking." He asks her, his voice rising.

"Why? Because it hurts too much? Imagine how I felt in front of a complete stranger. Talking about how I lost our baby for reasons I couldn't even explain. How you wouldn't even touch me after. How alone..."

"I SAID STOP!"

The silence between them was deafening and he felt the blood whooshing through his ears. He couldn't find the words in the same way she could. At that point in time they had been so broken, she had shown up to fight for them, and he had not.

"These were the things I wanted to talk about in therapy Oliver. The things you avoided when everything was quiet and we were alone. But you always ran from them, as if you could escape grief itself."

"When I fixed everything, I didn't want to come back to you empty handed." He whispered.

"You've found her havent you?"

"For few months now, but I wasn't sure how to tell you."

"And you just call me up, expecting me to be waiting in the wings."

"That isn't..."

"I know you Oliver, it been six years since I've been on the team, but I still know you."

She probably still did. They way her babbling made him laugh, and how when she started to get technical his eyes would start to cross. That even when she was on a far higher level of intelligence, she never talked to him like he was stupid. They used to find a balance, and somewhere along the way, he'd broken it. Instead he blurts out the first thing that crosses his mind.

"Then you must know how much it killed me when you left without a word. Right after we'd..."

"I am sorry about that, but I wasn't trying to hurt you Oliver. But I knew if I'd waited around that morning, you would have made me breakfast and told me how much you missed me and you would have drove me into work."

"You mean we would have gone back to normal? That's exactly what I thought Felicity. We could have worked our way back to normal."

"No." She pauses as if assessing the best way to make him understand, "I would have taken you back and we would fall into the same cycle we always did. We both loved each other so much that we constantly overlooked the many issues we had, and instead of facing them we just acted like they weren't there."

"Loved," he whispered.

_Loved_ he thought, as in past tense.

She doesn't respond to the question he doesn't actually ask, but it sits between them.

"We can bring her to justice." He argues.

"What you don't understand is this isn't even about her anymore. Sometimes I wonder if it ever was."

"And what about Hub City then? He asks.

"A mistake, we were both in a very bad headspace, and I think that being with you sometimes... Maybe, all the time, feels like I'm coming up for air, but it wasn't good for either of us in the long run."

"I thought you had forgiven me."

When she doesn't answer he whispers quieter.  
  
"When I watched that interviewer grill you about our relationship and then ask why I wasn't invited to the benefit. You just brushed him off said we were on great terms, and that I'd be more than welcome to come to the charity auction."

"He was breathing down my neck," she answers him.

"And your greeting was anything but welcoming, well at least until later."

"I didn't think you show up, it never crossed my mind."

"That I'd want to see you?" He asked incredulously.

"That you even cared Oliver."

"I've never stopped caring about you."

"Could have fooled me."

And for the first time in a long time Oliver realized that the back and forth over the phone wasn't going to fix this, nor was his constant "I'm sorrys" and she would have another thing coming if she thought he would give up on her that easily.

She hadn't given up on him, she may have run to another city, but she was still wearing that ring, and they had made promises and they had plans. Back in Hub City she said she'd been waiting, and he would come for her at last.

"Felicity Smoak, I don't know how I let it get this bad or how I let you go so far, but I'll be damned if this is it for us. I would go to the ends of the earth to fix this and it will take some time, so I hope you don't mind waiting just a little bit longer."

"You've made promises like that before Oliver."

He nods even though she can't see it, but continues, "Yes, I have. But this is one I plan to keep."


	10. Entwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback with more and more pieces of the puzzle falling into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am sooooooooo sorry for taking so long to post this. I went to Comic Con last weekend and then worked thirty some hours between Friday-Sunday of this weekend. I'm at the whim of my work schedule at the moment, but I was able to edit this one today. I really do hope you enjoy this chapter and I hope to keep more chapters coming a little bit faster in the future.
> 
> Also, as I've made each chapter so far from Lang Leav's We Were Two Poem, I am now continuing chapter with another of her poems called Entwined. Make of that what you will ;)

 

 

 

It doesn’t take long for Dinah and Rene to get into another fight with one another. 

“If you would have let me step in, instead of whipping out your guns every chance you get.”

“You’re Canary Cry isn’t working with them, neither is Laurel’s. I’m not trying to kill them, just slow them down.”

“But did it work?”

“Was it more successful than what you were trying.” 

“Enough!” Diggle’s voice interrupts their bickering, “Blaming each other isn’t going to fix the problem, we need to regroup and get a different strategy going.”

“But they always seem to be one step ahead,” Felicity murmurs.

Its been that way for a while now. Each time they find a lead on Vallis, they’re thwarted by one of his goons and he has plenty of them. It’s like they always know when they’re coming for him. Felicity can’t help but wonder if he’s got some kind of psychic meta human on his payroll.

“We need to stop focusing so much on capturing Vallis as figuring out how he plans on getting your stealth project as the whole smuggling drugs thing is clearly a cover to throw us off.” Oliver chimes in.

If Laurel’s intel has done anything, its frustrated them all past the point of normalcy because now they know what he wants, but not how he plans to get it.

“He knows I’m here.” Laurel whispers. “I’m willing to bet he’s waiting me out, knowing I’ll come for him.”

“But why Earth 1? Why does it all even matter?”

“Probably because The Flash on my Earth put him in jail more times than I can count, but when all those breaches were opened he saw it as a fresh start. But with stealth he could completely disappear. Think of all the money he’s taking in, how when he has enough he’ll try and steal Felicity’s tech and run for the hills.”

“You’ve really thought about this.” Felicity says.

“We can’t let him get away with it,” Laurel answers her. “If we don’t get him, then Ted died for nothing.” 

“Stealth is under lock and key, Curtis has it under constant monitoring, if anyone so much as breathes on it, we’ll know.”

“Good.”

 

It isn’t until later that night when Felicity and Oliver join the Diggle’s for dinner that Oliver has an idea on how to get Vallis.

“We make stealth so available to him, that he can’t help but try and go get it.”

“We set a trap.” Felicity nods. “It could work.”

“We would need it to be in the open, plenty of space for the team to move, open road in case a chase ensues. Limit civilian casualty possibilities.” Oliver says, laying out the plan as if it already exists in his head.

“It would be a risk.” Felicity murmurs.

“One that we may have to take at this point.” He says.

“Could you to table the mission talk for five minutes and enjoy dinner?” Diggle interrupts them.

With so much focus on Vallis and the unending amount of drugs being funneled into the city, it really was nice to sit down and eat dinner without outside problems affecting their meal for once and they were sort of killing the mood.

“So, small talk then?” Oliver laughs.

“Yes, how is JJ?” Felicity smiles.

“He’s growing like a weed,” Lyla smiles.

“He’s such a cute kid.” Oliver can’t help but grin too.

“Just think, this’ll be you two in a few months, a couple of glowing parents.” Diggle says.

“Are you sure you don’t want to know if it’s a girl or a boy?” Lyla asks. 

They had mulled it over a time or two before deciding against it. Oliver already had to tell William he wouldn’t know if he was getting a younger brother or sister until the baby got here, but they wanted it to be a surprise. Only a few people knew they were even having a baby and only Diggle and Lyla even knew they got married. Well besides Donna, Samantha, and William. And Thea, man that had been a bad night. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t want to tell the team, it was just already assumed they were it for each other. No piece of paper would need to tell them that. Eventually when thing calmed down they would tell the team, and then the world.

Hell, they wouldn’t have even told anyone Felicity was pregnant had she not been puking nonstop in the bunker. It was impossible to lie their way out of time and time again with food poisoning. But Oliver was trying to keep her stress levels low, when his apprehension was high.

He had already missed out on so much of William’s childhood, that the idea of there being another baby in the mix terrified him. How would they protect the city and spend time with their child? Would they every be truly safe if he had enemies? Could he give their baby the life he wanted to?

“How do you two do it?” Oliver asks ignoring Lyla’s question. 

“Loads of patience, and a good A.R.G.U.S. sitter,” Lyla laughs. “Believe me, you two will figure out what works for you and roll with it.”

“But we barely have enough time for each other, right now.” Felicity says evenly.

“Then you need to start prioritizing, how your child will come first, then marriage, and then the city.” Diggle says.

“You make it sound so easy,” Oliver deadpans. “We’re still attempting to figure everything out.”

“You will never have everything figured out Oliver, and at some point, you will realize it make little difference to how life goes on.” Lyla murmurs.

And as she says that he realizes she’s right in part. They can’t control the way life moves and changes, but they can control the way they react to it. 

 

So, when they go to bed that night after getting home from dinner he can’t help but bring up how they should move forward after the baby comes.

“Do we want a full-time nanny?” Oliver asks rubbing small circles on her stomach.

She turns on her side before meeting his eyes in the dark room, only slightly illuminated by the moonlight.

“I don’t think I want some stranger basically raising our child.”

“Why, do I feel like that statement is about to be followed by a but.” Oliver interrupts her.

“But how else do you plan on staying the Green Arrow and me continuing to help you be Overwatch?” I don’t want a child being raised in the bunker the same way I’m am constantly worried it somehow will end up in the crosshairs. 

“So, we?…”

“Wait.” She says quietly.

“Until we come up with a solution that works for the both of us because I will not stop being your Overwatch, until you decide to stop being the Green Arrow as I’m not sure my sanity could take it.” She chides him.

“I’m scared.” He whispers back to her.

“Oliver.”

“I wasn’t there for William the same way I will be for this child, but I keep having nightmares…”

“You haven’t said..” She interrupts, but he continues.

“I keep seeing someone who hates me getting to you and to our child, and I can’t. I can’t help but think.”

“That it’s something that could actually happen?” 

“I don’t know what I would do if anything ever happened to you.”

“You would keep on living your life Oliver.” She whispers.

And she means it. She would want him to go on living despite that fact she may not be there. Things beyond their control could happen every day and there was nothing they could do about it. He couldn’t let that stop him from living. 

He shakes his head as if she’s talking about something unfathomable and pulls her into his side.

“When Barry was taken into the Speedforce this last time he told Iris to keep running, to love again, and she did.” 

“But he came back,” Oliver whispers.

“And now they’re getting married. A happily ever after for the West-Allens at last.” She smiles.

He nods, but isn’t entirely convinced, and she won’t be able to do that tonight. “Enough talking, it’s time for sleep.” He whispers to her.

 _As she snuggles in closer to him it’s hard for her to imagine ever not waking up in his arms_.

  

 

A few days have passed when and Laurel are brainstorming ideas for how to set Vallis up in a trap.

“If he thinks the real stealth device will be there, he’ll show up.” Laurel says.

“How do you know?” Felicity asks her.

“Because while he’s been sending his lackeys up until this point, they aren’t getting the job done. We may not be catching him, but he’s getting frustrated for sure.”

Felicity is momentarily distracted when she hears the rungs of the salmon later clanking as Oliver makes his way up.

_God, he looks hotter than normal. Wait, does he really or is that just her hormones talking?_

She has a hard time separating them when all she wants to do is climb Oliver like a tree. Like the other day he was putting together the crib with his shirt of and she was practically fanning herself. If broody Green Arrow Oliver was attractive, father Oliver was hot as hell, but this baby put a hinder on things and Felicity felt frustrated anytime her and Oliver were alone. It isn’t until she hears Laurel clearing her throat that she realizes she’s probably said a lot of that out loud.

“You two are good for each other.” She says warmly glancing between the two. And Felicity realizes she’s being genuine. It’s taken some time, but this Laurel has been growing on her.

“I’m sorry things didn’t work out with you and Oliver on your Earth, and I’m very sorry about what happened to Ted.” 

“Oliver and I always had a turbulent relationship, and sometimes that created extra tension where there should have been none.”

“Did you love him?”

“I did, but when he kept cheating I realized he didn’t love me. He cared for me, but if he loved me he would have had eyes for only me, the way this Oliver only has eyes for you.”

She spares him another glance, but he’s still salmon laddering away.

“Cisco told me that he read an article when he visited Earth 6 and we were married there.” Laurel smiles as if reminiscing about a past life, “I truly hope were happy there.”

“I do too,” Felicity whispers, and she means it. If anyone deserved some sort of happiness it was Laurel, as almost every version of her had been dealt a rough hand. 

“I think I’m going to head though,” Laurel’s words interrupt her train of thought. “I need some serious shuteye after all this brainstorming.”

“Get some sleep,” Felicity smiles.

“You too.” Laurel replies before making her way out of the foundry.

Felicity is just about ready to call Oliver over from the Salmon Ladder when she hears a small beep from her computer and sees that Cisco has sent her an email.

 **Just something I thought you might want to see,** the subject line read.

And attached was a rather grainy picture of a newspaper article that appeared to be from Earth 2. 

 

**_Siren Silences Wildcat._ **

 

Her heart stops for a moment. _This can’t be right_. Laurel has already told her what happened.

She jumps as she feels hands on her shoulders and only relaxes once she realizes Oliver’s snuck up behind her.

“I think it’s time to go home scaredy cat.” Oliver teases her. 

And she’s so tired and worn down she doesn’t even fight him as he leads her out of the bunker and into the night, _the newspaper headline in the back of her mind._

 


	11. There Is A Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oliver finally makes so self realizations and at the same time faces a few fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here we are, and I'm glad you guys have stuck around. There is so much happening in a the upcoming chapters so please enjoy:)
> 
> I'm also going to share a link to this story on Tumblr and if any of you ever want to be tagged just let me know!:)

 

 

The constant ticking of the clock on the wall almost does him in. He’s been here before in this room. Seen that same clock only a few years ago and it baffles him how the office looks almost exactly the same.

 

Dr. Scarlett Johnson is still the name tag on the door, the walls are just a slightly off-white. He feels his head almost spinning and he wants to book it for the door again, but he stays planted.

 

_You wanted to prove that you were in this with Felicity. Act like it. Just one session, you can try one session._

 

The receptionist calls his name before he makes his way to her door, taking one deep breath before slowly pulling it open.

She sits there in one of those classic shrink chairs and he sees that he has two options, a long lounge chair in to her side, or a medium sized sofa chair directly facing her.

He choses the latter if only because laying down and talking about his feelings for an hour and a half is not something he thinks he can do right off the bat and because this brunette woman sitting down looks so innocent that its unnerving.

 

“Mr. Queen, I’m glad we finally meet.”

“Finally.” He answers her.

“I’ve heard so much about you.” She smiles.

“All good things.” He smiles hoping to try and ease the tension.

“Mostly good.” She smiles back.

“Did she talk about me a lot,” he asks before thinking better of it, “I mean I know there’s the whole doctor/patient confidentiality thing, but I just…”

“Felicity makes it clear with me at every appointment that anything she says I am free to share with you.”

 

His breath falters a moment because he feels a small spark of hope in his chest. She told her therapist that he was allowed to be let in, as if she knew he would show up some day.

 _Two days late and five years short_ his mind thought sarcastically.

“If only I showed up.”

“What’s important is that you’re here now and your working towards a healthier you.”

“You said at every appointment, like as in present tense.”

“Mr. Queen I assure you I will answer any questions you have at another session, but this session is about you and not Felicity, so you are the focus today.”

“Okay,” he relents.

“Okay, so first, what brought you into my office today? I know you were scheduled for multiple appointments in the past, but why decide to seek therapy now?

“Because I’m trying to get my wife back.”

“And you think that therapy will do that?”

“I think that it’s a good first step.”

“But in what ways are you coming here for you?”

“I don’t need to I’m fi…”

“Do not complete that sentence with I’m fine.” She finishes for him.

 

He huffs out a breath slightly frustrated, this woman was asking the wrong questions. He was here about his marriage not about himself and she thought this was going to be some sort of spilling his dark secrets she had another thing coming.

“Oliver I get that you are attempting to fix your marriage, but there are not two people present here today, this isn’t marriage counseling and think that even you understand that in order to fix anything you have to first heal yourself.”

“I’m healed, there isn’t anything wrong up here.” He says tapping his forehead.

“Is that why you refuse to confront the elephant in the room?”

“There is no elephant.”

“Losing a child is something that no one fully recovers from. There will always be a part of you that will remember him. The lost dreams of what a child might bring, perhaps having to stare at an empty nursery.”

“Of course I miss him and what could have been, but you can’t dwell on that, you can’t let those feelings of loss destroy you.”

“So, you prefer to compartmentalize.”

“Don’t do that,” he murmurs watching her, He’s seen enough of this in movies and TV. The way she’s trying to goad him and twist his words around, like him moving on was a bad thing.

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You’re psychoanalyzing me.”

“I’m trying to understand you.”

They sit in silence for a moment when he can’t think of anything to say and she seems to be contemplating her next words carefully.

“You lost a child.”

“Yes.”

“You will, at least not within this lifetime, ever see your child again.”

“Correct.”

“And you seem fairly calm about it.”

“Do you expect me to cry and breakdown?” He asks plainly.

This whole thing was supposed to push his life in a better direction, but all it was doing was dragging up the past. And he felt like he was about to crack.

“I expect some form of emotion that you aren’t showing me.”

“Sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh, I’m not the one who suffers here. By not addressing your past, you’re stuck in it and unable to move on with your life.”

“I’m living and breathing aren’t I?” He questions her.

“But to what extent?”

“I go to work, I see a few of my coworkers out of work, I eat, sleep, occasionally drink.” He decides to leave out his extracurricular night activities for the time being not knowing how much Felicity has divulged to this woman.

“That sounds listless.”

“In some ways.”

“So me questioning you about your dead son doesn’t bother you?” She pushes.

“No.” But even as he says it, he hears the tremble in his voice and knows she picks up on it.

“To what end you think you played in his death Oliver? Felicity for a very long time blamed herself.”

“It wasn’t her fault.” He says abruptly. If anyone was blameless in all of this, it was her.

“And where were you when she was hit?”

“On my way to her. She had called me rather distressed and I had told her to stay put, but…”

“But she didn’t and then she was hit and your child died.”

“You’re making it sound like it was her fault.”

“Well she didn’t listen to you did she.”

“No, but this whole thing could have been avoided if…”

“She’d just listened to you.”

“No, I.”

“She didn’t listen and then, in turn was hit.”

“Listen, she didn’t know!”

“That not listening to you would lead to your son dying?”

“THAT IF I HAD JUST LISTENED TO HER WE WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN IN THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!” He shouted across the room, taking deep breaths trying to control his temper.

 

She thought she was painting him into a corner by cornering Felicity before he realized she was going after him and making him see where his head was actually at. She speaks so quietly he almost doesn’t hear her.

“I hope you understand that neither of you could have helped what happened Oliver, it was a tragic accident.”

_A tragic accident that he could have avoided completely._

“I lost my son and wife in a matter of months.”

“And that is something that takes a lot out of a person, whether they’d like to admit it or not, it's something we will have to continue to address.”

He nods before she changes her line of questioning, veering into topics that are a bit easier to handle and before he knows it, his hour and a half is up.

“So, will I be seeing you again?” She asks slowly.

“Two weeks from today I will be back here.” He answers quietly.

“I’m happy to hear it.”

 

He exits her office and starts walking around the block in the direction of the Arrow Cave before he realizes with everything that he’s discussed today, his head just isn’t in this. He can’t go out in the streets without his head on straight.

Things had been pretty tame lately anyway, with Dinah and Rene taking on a lot of the petty crime, Curtis running tech, and Diggle being an inbetweener for all of them, they didn’t really need him tonight anyway. He shoots Diggle a quick text before scrolling through his contacts hovering over her name.

He clicks it and after a few rings she answers.

“Hey Oliver.”

“Hey Felicity.”

Silence echoes through the phone before she laughs.

“You’re the one that called me.”

“I just needed to hear your voice for a moment.”

“Rough days at the office?” She asks.

“More like therapist.” He answers her.

If he’s expecting some kind of congratulations she doesn’t give it but instead says.

“I’m happy you’ve decided to take those steps for yourself.”

“It was time.”

“Yeah.”

 

“Really Felicity, I’m sorry for bothering you, I let you go, you’re probably in the middle of something at work, I just, I needed to hear you for a minute.”

“It’s okay Oliver, sometimes I just want to hear your voice too.”

He smiles without thinking, like some lovestruck teenager.

 

“Until next time.” He murmurs.

“Until next time.” She agrees.

 

He hears the line disconnect before beelining towards the direction of the apartment. Sure it was a bit of a walk, but the fresh feels good and maybe it will calm him down. Going to the therapist and talking to Felicity without getting into a fight all in one day? It was just short of a miracle, and he wanted to keeping riding that high.


	12. I'm Yet To Sever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of the nicer chapters of this story. :) Hopefully it does it justice...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sorry. Life sometimes steps in the way and I got sidetracked with this. I really am trying to make updates more regularly, but I can't say when the next one will be. I will say that I will finish this story. I promise. This chapter was an odd one to write, mostly because I wanted it to just be Felicity and Oliver. I know that some might be upset by some OOC tendencies of this, but I really wanted the focus to be on them.
> 
> I hope you like it, and I hope this was worth the wait.
> 
> Thank you for the comments a kudos. They truly make writing feel that much better. You're all wonderful for taking time out of your daily lives to read this <3

 

 

He looked so perfect in his suit and tie.

_He always looked perfect._

Even when he was beaten and bruised, covered in blood. He was perfect to her, for her.

Oliver wanted to take her out to lunch. It was a regular occurrence, one that she appreciated because otherwise she would get so engrossed in her work that should would completely forget to feed herself. Well, that and Curtis knew better than to disturb her while she was in the middle of a breakthrough. Oliver just really didn’t care.

_She loved that about him._

Which is why they’re sitting in the middle of this slightly overpriced sandwich shop snacking on a something with turkey and Swiss cheese while Oliver just stared at her from across the table. Not saying a word, not eating, just staring.

“Is there something on my face?” She asked him.

He shakes his head but says instead, “You know how much I love you?”

The blush creeps up her cheeks and she can’t control it. She will never stop getting flustered by his honesty, even when sometimes, she doesn’t have an answer for it.

“A lot?” She hesitates, unable to understand where he’s steering this conversation.

He chuckles, but just continues to look at her from across the table.

“We’re in a good place right now. The city isn’t in peril. William is a part of my life and things are finally going right for once. And Felicity, I can’t even explain how happy I am right now. So deliriously, scream it from the rooftops embarrassingly, happy. You make me so happy.”

The tears that start to collect in her eyes are happy ones, but it doesn’t stop Oliver from reaching out to wipe them from her eyes.

“I love you so much.” She whispers.

“And I you.”

“Is this why you took me out to lunch? To butter me up before you tell me you broke something at home. Or before you tell me there’s a mission or board meeting and you’ll be gone for yet another weekend without me?” She teases him.

He shakes his head at her before reaching into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper. Sliding it to her and she hesitates before unfolding it.

“It’s out marriage license.” She says confused.

“Yes.”

“I know we had talked about getting married soon Oliver, but both of us are so busy. At the rate we’re going, we’re going to have to renew this anyway, so why are you carrying it around in your pocket?”

“It expires tomorrow.” He whispers.

“Oliver.”

“I’ve cleared my schedule for the day, Curtis cleared yours, without your permission so please don’t be mad at him he has no idea what’s going on. I’ve called the courthouse and there’s a spot for us. If you want it.”

“Oliver.”

“If it’s too much, too fast I get it. We can renew it later, get married later. I just, I know this is it for me. You are it for me. Today, twenty years from now, you will always be it for me. So, please. Do me the honor of becoming my wife… Again.”

It’s like someone has stolen all of the air out of the restaurant. She can’t find her breath, or the words to fill the empty space. This is all she’s wanted for the past few years with him. She wanted there to be a them. She had no doubts about that.

“Felicity?” His voice interrupted her thoughts.

“Of course,” she chokes out. Trying to stop the tears starting to form in her eyes again.

“Please don’t cry.” He smiles reaching for her.

“Then get me to the courthouse before I become a complete mess!” She says.

“You don’t want to get changed?” He asks her.

“We’ve done the whole perfect white dress, fairytale wedding thing. It’s overrated anyway.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Then lets go.” He says, pulling her out of her chair, and racing into the street.

 

 

It wasn’t until later in the bunker that night that it truly dawned on them.

_They were married. They had gone and gotten married._

“They’re going to be so angry with us.” Felicity murmurs.

“I don’t care.” Oliver says back evenly.

“But John could have been your best man. And oh my God when my mother hears about this.”

“John will be happy for us no matter what. And in the grander scheme of things I think he’ll understand that we didn’t want all the extra fluff this time. None of that matters. As long as you are by my side I don’t have a worry in the world.”

“Maybe we just won’t tell them.” She whispers.

She sees the frown on his face for a moment, but he rearranges it before she can even blink.

“If thats what you want.” He says.

“Oliver, but I don’t want to hide it.” Lifting her left hand and examining the lovely ring on her finger. I would never want to hide this.”

“Then don’t.” He smiles

“I’m never taking it off.” She grins.

“Never?” He raises one eyebrow in doubt.

“Okay, so maybe to shower, or doing the dishes or whatever. But no, this ring will stay here forever. But if we’re trying to keep this on Down Low we may want to move the ring to our right hand. It might throw people off for a little while.”

“I agree.” He answers her. Pulling the ring off her left ring finger, before placing it on her right. Repeating the motion with his own.

“I just don’t want the world to know yet. I want it to belong to us for a little while.” She says to him. “The team can… And my mom, but everyone else.”

“The world can wait.” Oliver reassures her.

“And what about me?” A voice interrupts them.

They both jump, whipping their heads around to a very angry looking Thea Queen.

“How could you?!”


	13. It Goes From Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another phone call that is actually one of the last for this story. After I stop the phone calls it will just be a jump between past and present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I have no excuse other than I moved around some stuff for this story, have had like no free time due to my internship and classes, and basically work any time around that.
> 
> I'm happy to report that I graduate in three short weeks so the end it near and I can hopefully finish up this story. I promise I haven't given up on it and plan to finish the whole thing:)

  

 

_Felicity’s lying on the ground and all he can see is blood. Blood on her face, her hands, her coat. He keeps trying to run to her, but he can’t move. He’s stuck and he sees her reaching out to him. Calling for him, but he still can't get to her. Slowly, her words stop altogether as he shouts her name to wake up, begging her not to go, but she’s stopped moving._

He wakes up in a cold sweat unable to shake his dream.

Oliver’s had it dozens of times over the past few years and has never really been able to shake it. Her there covered in blood was one of the worst days of his life. He’d thought he’d lost her, and in some ways he had.

But things were changing, he could feel it. His therapy sessions weren’t as grueling as they were when he first started. He found himself looking forward to them rather than dreading them, but he still hadn’t made much headway with Felicity.

If Oliver Queen could be stubborn Felicity Smoak was much worse. It was the way she moved through a conversation like she was in it without being in it. When he called her now they chatted and laughed, but he realized as soon as they hung up that they hadn’t talked about her much at all. It was always him always about the team or Thea or William. He wasn’t going to let the conversation end that way today.

She picked up on the third ring and he found the way she answered made him happier than he thought he could be given the circumstances.

“Hello, Mr. Queen.” She said in that sarcastic tone she liked to use.

“Mrs. Queen.” He snipped back.

“Not funny.” She said.

“But still the truth.” He answered her.

“In the eyes of the law.”

“What are you up to today?” He asks her redirecting the conversation.

“Heading into a meeting with Ted. He thinking of starting up a new branch in Hong Kong and he wants some feedback. And for me to crunch some numbers with him.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“You would hate it.” She laughs.

“You know me so well.”

“Better than most.”

This is the way things normally went. Lighthearted banter. Words exchanged, but little meaning and he wanted more. He craved more.

“Dr. Johnson says I’m making progress in my sessions. That I’m starting to crack my shell.”

“I’m happy for you Oliver.”

“I can’t believe you still go and see her.” He says incredulously.

“She got me through one of the most difficult times of my life.”

He swallows loudly, hoping she can’t hear it through the phone, but he doesn’t know how to answer her. Anything he says would come up short.

“I’m glad she was there when I couldn’t be.”

“She’s good at her job and she’ll push you right to your limit before pulling you right back.” Felicity murmurs quietly.

“She may or may not have mentioned some things going on between you and your mom.”

“Just some stuff that mom doesn’t want to face head on. Not that its all that surprising. She thinks everything just has a way of always working out.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“In this case no.” She says.

“Do you want to elaborate or?” He asks hesitantly.

“I would but I’m about to enter Kord Industries and the service gets pretty crappy the farther down I go in the building.”

“Oh, okay.” Oliver says. Unable to come up with a way to keep her on the phone.

“I’ll talk to you later Oliver.”

“It’s always nice talking to you Felicity.”

“You too.”

They both end the call and he looks down at his phone before scrolling up to Donna’s number. He could call her and she would think nothing of it. Those first few months after Felicity left she was firmly on the “please work this out you two are meant to be train.” But after push came to shove Oliver let her go too out of respect to Felicity. And if he tried overstepping now, going behind Felicity’s back to get information that would just tick her off.

She opened up just a little and he would keep chipping away until she let him back in, in whatever capacity she would allow. He just hoped that sometime soon he could see her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with this story:)
> 
> Likes, kudos, and comments are always appreciated.


	14. To You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning. This is everything leading up to the breakup. For all of you who have stuck with this story I hope this is fulfilling. There are still some very rough chapters ahead, but this one in particular was one of my favorites to write. :))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's crazy I've managed to update this twice in one week! Sadly, I can't promise another chapter before the 12th, but I appreciate all the love <3

 

She’s tapping away on her keyboard when Dig’s voice startles her. “He should be here with you.”

“He doesn't know how to grieve John. Going out there, punching people, letting out all that rage, that's how he grieves.” 

She hates it, but she gets it. She’s tried doing what he did for her, reeling him in, but he wants no part of it until they catch her, she just hopes she doesn’t lose him in the process. 

“He knows you shouldn't be alone right now Felicity.” Diggle says sounding agitated. 

“He got me back here didn't he?” She snaps back.

“I still think it's too soon. Not just for you, but both of you. He isn't accepting this, he isn't processing it like he should be.”

“I know.” Is all she’s able to say. She knows, the whole team knows. Hell, Thea’s tried talking to him, but he just shuts down, but Diggle isn’t finished.

“And when he finds her and does God knows what to try to make this better somehow, he thinks he's going to feel fulfilled. But I don't think it's going to shake out that way.” 

“I can't force him to face this John. It isn't like him pulling me up from drowning. I wanted help and to grieve, he doesn't.”

“Felicity...” He whispers.

“I'd rather be alone I think, I won't fall back into it like the last time. And I wouldn't have to talk, like you're trying to make me right now.” She says.

But she did need Oliver. She wanted his arms wrapped around her and his soothing words in her ear. That wasn't her Oliver right now. He merely wanted to destroy anyone in his path to find Laurel. And she didn't want him to stop his plans from coming to fruition if it would make this all stop. Even if he burned himself in the end.

“I won't make you talk, but Felicity. This is too big for either of you to start avoiding each other. Have you... have you both considered seeing a therapist?”

She actually had thought about it, but wouldn’t dare mentioning it to Oliver in his current state.

“I'm not sure how John? Tell her “My husband here is the Green Arrow and we lost our child because of our night jobs being vigilantes over Star City?” Somehow I don’t think that will make anything better.”

“Of course not,” He frowns, “Leave out the finer details, but being able to talk to someone who doesn't know either of you personally might help bridge the gap forming between you.”

“I’ll see what he says, but I know him John and he won’t like it. Anyways,” she says sidestepping the therapy talk, “He'll be back soon, we've already... we've discussed the larger parts of this. It isn't the end for either of us, or our family. He even said that himself yesterday. He broke through my walls and I'm breaking through his... Slowly.”

“That was before you accepted you put your child in the ground Felicity. He should not be out in the streets alone. And you should not be here alone.” 

He'll come back she whispered giving his hand a light squeeze. She thought it over and over again, as the months went past until she didn't.

 

                            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“The appointment is at four Oliver.”

“I’ll be there.” He answered her as they ate breakfast.

“John said she’s very good, that she doesn’t put up with much fluff though.” 

“Okay.”

“Okay.” She whispered back.

She heard everything she needed to in his tone. He didn’t want to do this, but he was feeling the pressure from her. She’d begged until he relented and now they could finally try to move forward with their lives. It was past the point of avoiding and John was right about neither of them needing to be alone anymore. This would be good for them, she knew they’d be stronger for it. If only he could see it two.

 

                            ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_Four._

_Five._

_Six._

_Seven._

_Eight._

_Nine._

_Ten._

She stopped trying to convince him to come with her. Stopped listening as he kept making excuses for why he couldn’t make it. Tired of lying to her therapist every time he wasn’t there. But she kept going as it made her feel more at peace with herself, but the distance between her and Oliver was growing. Felicity felt the fracture one morning as she woke up and realized she hadn’t seen him in over a week. She didn’t go down to the Arrow Cave anymore and he was rarely at the apartment. And she was just tired of all of it, but she decided that when they decided to be married they would be a team for the rest of their lives, and Dr. Johnson was encouraging her to figure things out for herself, before making any snap judgements.

 

So, when she walked into her office today she had plans, about how her life would move forward from here.

“You look like you’re feeling better today.” Dr. Johnson said evenly.

“I woke up this morning and realized I’m ready to move forward.” She whispers, “I’m just worried that it won’t involve Oliver." 

“Have you two talked about it?”

“We’ve spent more time talking about talking about things than actively doing it. We’re to the point that I would probably have to tie him down in order for him to even listen.”

“And what is it that you want him to listen too?”

“Is this on or off the record?” Felicity asks her. 

“You know I record sessions with all my patients, it makes remembering things easier when I go through my notes. But I would never share them without your permission. With anyone ever.”

“I just want him to look at me the way he used to before. Touch me the way he used to. It’s like every time he looks at me he sees our dead son and can’t stand it. I want him to know it’s not his fault. That even when I threw that it his face in anger I didn’t mean it. I needed someone to blame and he was an easy target.”

“And…” Dr. Johnson asks, picking up on her hesitancy.

“I want to him to give up his night job with Mr. Diggle. At least until we’ve worked through our issues. Because he’s never home and I can’t keep staying in an empty house.”

She nods as if trying to find the words she wants to use, “Have you thought about a small separation for a time?”

“Excuse me?”

“If you think Oliver isn’t going to budge one way or the other and you’re feeling lonely and stifled in Star City do you think that maybe a fresh start somewhere else would help?”

“And give up my life with Oliver? I would never do that.”

“Not give up, reevaluate. I can’t tell you how many times in this job I’ve had to tell people my honest opinion and they didn’t like it.”

“You think I should leave Oliver and just start a new life without him.”

“That’s not what… That isn’t what I’m saying. I’m telling you that two things are currently happening. There’s a large fracture in your marriage and Oliver isn’t present. He likely won’t be whether you are here in Star City or somewhere else. If he isn’t giving up his night job what will you do? You have two choices. You stay or you go.”

“I don’t think it’s that simple.”

“Make it simple, a clean break if necessary. While I haven’t met Oliver, I can tell you that he is probably hurting as much as you are, but the way he’s coping isn’t healthy for either of you. But only you can decide how to deal the cards you are dealt.”

“Oliver has never been good with ultimatums.”

“I’ve gathered that, but Felicity I need you to understand that while you are connecting to Mr. Queen and him to you. You are both whole people on your own. You are allowed to move forward without feeling guilty that you have and he hasn’t yet. If you think you can wait then wait, but as your therapist I can tell you while your mind is healing over the death of your sun, you are not happy in your marriage at present. And sometimes people separate for reasons that are not always in their control.”

“But I love him.”

“And I think he knows that, but by staying and waiting and becoming complacent with how things are things will not change. And as he keeps brushing you off you will resent him and yourself for not standing up for yourself. This isn’t a “You versus Oliver situation.” This is a “what can I do to improve my life” situation.

“I don’t think I can leave him, I’d worry too much.” 

“Then talk, and keep talking, tell him not to keep leaving the conversation.”

“Okay.” Felicity whispers.

“Okay. I think I’ve given you enough to think about for today.”

“You have.” She gets up to leave, with no more words left to say when Dr. Johnson says gently.

“Felicity I don’t want you to just give up your marriage, I just want you to realize that your life, your hopes and ambitions. They matter too.”

She nods before walking out of her house and back to the empty loft.

 

And she waited.

And she went to sleep.

And she went to work.

And then she did it over and over for two more days before she finally saw him.

He grabbed a change of clothes and showered before going to the Mayor’s office.

He told her “Hi” and “Bye.”

There was no quick “I love you”, no “Sorry I’ve been gone this past week.”

She felt sick just thinking about it, but she starts packing some of her things, until she couldn’t stop, and before she knew it she had everything, but a few outfits in storage.

 

But she tried again, when he came home a few days later.

He redirected, and then he left.

She sat on their couch after he went to the Arrow Cave and cried.

Felicity was so tired of being the only one in this.

She was tired of never seeing her husband and feeling his arms around her.

She was just plain tired.

So, she decided that a fresh start was something that she needed after all.

 

Ted Kord returned her phone call in less than a half hour.

He was enthusiastic to work with her, despite the fact his company had fired her in the past.

He wanted to know if she could make her way to Hub City by Friday and she agreed.

She just hoped Oliver would be home before she left, as she didn’t want to just disappear.

 

She’s laying on the couch in the dark when he walks in loosening his tie and dropping his jacket over the back of a chair before making his way over, not even realizing she was there.

“What are you still doing up?” He asks her gently.

She doesn’t know how she’s going to do it. How she’s going to leave the love of her life. 

“Felicity.”

“I’m leaving Oliver. I'm done.”

“Felicity.”

“Don’t Felicity me.”

“I can fix this.”

She shakes her head not finding the right words to get through to him.

“No, this is it. No more going back and forth on this, I'm exhausted with going back and forth on this.”

“I have to try.” He says.

“Where was that trying when I needed you these last three months?

When he doesn’t answer she continues, “When I asked you to go see a therapist so we could talk about Tommy and everything else we were struggling through?”

 

He runs his hands over his face before looking at her, finding the right words, “I just kept imagining what you looked like the last time Felicity and I couldn't stand to see you look disappointed again after I couldn't find her. And I couldn't even look at you Felicity because all I saw was him. Our little boy. I kept imagining what he would look like, would he have your eyes or mine, would he love computers like you, would he want to be a mayor one day? There were so many things Felicity. And I just couldn't, I can’t.”

 

And while his words make her feel something, it isn’t enough. Fool me once, twice, ten times. It just wasn’t enough. So, she would have to push him.

“I was right you know. I went back and double checked everything. Caught up with Cisco and got as much information about Earth 2 Laurel as I could. I knew something was wrong. I felt it. But you didn't believe me. You pushed back so hard that I stopped questioning everything and was completely blind to her too.”

“How was I supposed to know?” He asked. 

“You were supposed to trust me.” She whispers.

“That plan was your plan.” He argues.

“Which I never would have had to make if this Laurel had never joined our team. She sabotaged the mission twice Oliver. Both times trying to get information for his lackeys to get to him that note wasn't for the lackeys it was for her. But she played off so perfect and you kept telling me I needed to embrace her as part of the team. But you didn't see it.”

“I wasn't tryi...” He says, but she cuts him off.

“You completed disregarded everyone's vote because all you saw was Laurel.”

“Felicity, please.”

“Who only showed up in town when Laurel did?”

“Frankie Vallis.”

“Who invited this Laurel into our lives?”

“Me.”

“Who didn't listen when everyone said she seemed too interested in this case, too interested with finding him.”

“Me, but she was acting like she wanted him dead not...”

“Like she was in love with him,” she laughed sarcastically. Her voice now dropping with the anger she'd been trying to keep in. 

“I don't understand how you think I was supposed to know.” He’s starting to sound angry too.

“Because every other single person on the team had a bad feeling about this from the beginning, except you.” She says.

“Then we'll track her down, find them both and bring them to justice.”

As if it would be that easy, as if they hadn’t already been trying that for months now.

“And how has that been working out? She's been gathering intel while working with us for months Oliver. Planning her long game and disappearing act. She's not going to be found until she's wants to be.”

“You can do it.” He urges.

“I don't want to. Frankly, if I never see her again in my lifetime, I won't lose a wink of sleep over it.” She says, truly meaning it. 

“This is just your anger talking.”

 

“You don't even get it Oliver. You never do. We had worked past this before this trust. This anger. But you always slip back into the same thing and you don't even realize it. You shut me out. You made me snap out of it because I didn't have a choice. But you avoid me to the point that I can't even help you because you won't let me near you. You've been gone so often Oliver. You haven't even realized that the loft is already empty, look around the only things still here are yours.”

 

“I wasn’t trying to shut you out. Just Felicity… Please. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

“I want you to hang up the hood for a while.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“That Hood is a part of who I am. You knew that when you married me.” 

She did, she knew it better than most. The way he turned to it when he turned away from her. How no matter how many years past it would always be a part of his life.

“I’m not saying forever Oliver, I just need you trust me on this, when I’m telling you that you need a break.”

“I'll be better.” He says stepping towards her. Ignoring her earlier words, redirecting the conversation again.

“I want to believe you,” she says taking a small step back.

“Then believe me,” he says getting closer. “You are my whole life Felicity. Being mayor, the Green Arrow, your husband. It all means nothing if you are not in my life.”

“I'll always be there Oliver, I just can't keep...” she says, but he interrupts her.

“Felicity,” he says cradling her face in his hands. “You are the best part of my life.” 

She feels the tears prick in her eyes as he's speaking to her. All the things she wanted him to say months ago, and she can feel her resolve shaking, but he still can’t do the one thing she wants.

“There is no Oliver Queen without Felicity Smoak.”

“Oliver, there is so much more going on than that. _You don't even understand why I'm angry because you still don't think you've done anything wrong.”_  

“We can try to start a family again like we wanted. I'll spend less time at the office and try to spend less time patrolling the streets. I'll make you dinner and we can watch Doctor Who and go out on dates. But I can’t give up being The Green Arrow.”

She's got tears sliding down her cheeks and he wipes them as they fall. He doesn’t realize every word he’s saying is just solidifying her feelings. If she stays here like they are now, she will continue to play second place in his life.

“You know I love you right?” He says pulling her face closer to his.

She gives him a small smile, nodding.

“Then stay with me. We can fix this, a few years from now this will be a small bump in the many years of marriage we'll have. It won't even matter. Please, just stay.” 

_It’s the way he wraps his arms around her and touches his mouth to hers. His arms wrap around her and she feels his hands slide up her back._

“I love you.” He says between kisses.

 

As he takes off her shirt and he unbuttons his pants they fall onto the couch getting lost in each other. If only he knew what she did. That as much as she wants this, she doesn’t want what comes after. She tries memorizing his face for the last time for at least a while. He would need to grow without her now and she without him. As she fell asleep in his arms she wasn’t sure how she would bear it.

 

_If only she knew they wouldn’t see one another for four more years._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Likes, comments, and kudos are always welcome and appreciated :)


	15. There Was a Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY. I recently took a trip, got back last week and started another story. I swear I am not done with this one and I promise I will finish it. For those who have stayed with it... THANK YOU!!

 

When he books his Flight to Bora Bora all he can hear is Dr. Johnson’s voice inside his mind.

_You have to put certain demons to rest before the healing process can begin. You’re trying to forgive yourself. You’ve forgiven Felicity, but there are still pieces you’re holding onto Oliver. I can feel it and until you let them go or cut them off you will never find peace. Feeding into them is hurting you more than it is helping you now_.

And as much as he hated to admit she was right. Oliver knew where Laurel had been hiding for months now. Felicity may not want anything to do with her, but he needed answers. Answers he would never get unless he talked to her. So, he booked a flight and tried to prepare himself. If you asked him what he planned to do when he saw her he couldn’t begin to tell you. He imagined letting an arrow fly right into her heart, or if he twisted it the right way he could make her death more painful, excruciating even. That’s what he’d dreamt about for years waiting for the right time to kill her, making her feel the pain he had felt. That Felicity had felt. He didn’t know what he would do.

Put your demons to rest. Dr. Johnson had said, and he planned to. Once and for all, one way or the other.

After he’s situated at the hotel he goes to the tropical bar that Curtis had tracked her to. If his info was right, she was still working there as of four days ago. He doesn’t waste his time scoping the place out. He’s come at the right time. The place is dead, minimal witnesses, the place doesn’t even look like it has cameras.

And then he steps through the door and the bell jingles. She’s standing behind the bar. She looks up and her eyes meet his before she turns around, going to polish another glass.

He sits up at a stool waiting for the next move as if this is a game of chess. He was never really good at it, but her voice interrupts his thoughts.

“If you’re here to kill me just get on with it.”

“Give me a reason I shouldn’t.” He counters.

He sees her shoulders lower as she lets out a deep breath. “I don’t think there’s anything in the world I could say that would make you listen Oliver.” She says still talking to the wall of glasses.

“You killed my son.”

“I didn’t!” She whips around finally facing him. “I may have been a traitor, but I did not kill your son and I never knew about what Frankie was planning.”

“And yet you knew enough.”

“She wasn’t supposed to be there.”

He feels his fists tighten below the counter trying to rein in his temper. They sit in silence before he finds his center, trying to release the words he’s wanted to say since she deserted them.

“You ruined my life.”

“Oliver.”

“No Laurel listen. My life, for once…once if my fucking life things were going my way. I was married, I had Felicity, the city, and baby on the way, and I had you. As twisted as it sounds. My Laurel, her blood was on my hands, but you? I thought you’d turned over a new leaf, that you could live up to Laurel’s legacy. I came to bat for you, when everyone else said no. When everyone said you were beyond saving. I took your side!”

“I never asked to continue Laurel’s legacy Oliver. You were so busy trying to push me in some kind of box you were blind to the fact I didn’t want it.”

“Then why did you stay with us, go out and fight crime, fight for justice? Just to bide your time till your precious Frankie came for you? I don’t buy it. Not for a second.”

“Because you were the closest thing to a family I’d had in a long time and I wasn’t ready for you all to look at me with the face you giving me right now. I wanted to belong just a little bit longer.”

“We could have helped you.”

“I don’t think you understand Frankie Vallis Oliver. Loves makes you do some crazy things and I loved that man more than life itself. He made me feel whole in a way that so many other things never did.”

He didn’t miss the way she used the past tense. Or the way her voice sounded more sad when she said his name. He couldn’t help but think about how as much as he considered hurting this Laurel, he thought about hurting Frankie Vallis just as much. It probably wasn’t healthy, but knowing they were both walking around while his son was not made him irrational. Instead he decides to dig her wounds a little deeper instead.

“Loved.”

“I killed him the day of Tommy’s funeral.” she whispers, looking him right in the eyes.

He’s thrown off guard because that was not what he was expecting. Not in the slightest.

“Laurel, why would you do that?” A very small part of him wanted to thank her, because at least now he wouldn’t have to wonder what had happened to Vallis too.

“We were set to go, fly here to Bora Bora and relax the rest of our lives. That’s what he wanted he said, for all of his hard work to end. Just so he could give me the world. But he got greedy, and then impatient and then Felicity almost died and your baby did die. And the morning we were about to board the plane I went to the funeral. You all didn’t see me but I saw you. Saw Felicity bawling on her hands and knees as you tried to pull her up front he grass and I couldn’t bear it. I had caused, at least in part, the pain of someone who had done nothing, but try to help me. When I got back to the tarmac I asked Vallis why he hit her and all he said was, “She was in my way.” In his way as if she was a bug he had to squash. I was so blinded by rage I sonic screamed him into the asphalt. I don’t even completely remember it. Just the way his eyes were still open and the blood dripping from his ears. I had two of his goons get rid of his body and paid them handsomely for it, and then I came here.”

Looking at her now he saw so many things he didn’t at first. The bluish bags under her eyes, no doubt from a lack of sleep. She was thinner than before and her nails were unpolished, chewed down to almost nothing. She looked lost. More lost than him in that moment. And he decided then and there that her punishment would be to have to live with everything she’d done. She would go to bed every night and wake up every morning have to swallow the bitter truth. That was more painful than anything he could have done to her.

“Thank you.” He says. He doesn’t know why he says it, but nothing else comes to mind.

“Why?”

He couldn’t explain the giant weight he felt lifting off his chest after her confession, or the way it felt kind of like closure on something that long needed to be closed. He didn’t have to keep thinking about her living it up while his family had fallen apart. He got to see that she was as miserable as he was. It was cruel, but also the truth. She had reaped what she sewed.

He says quietly, “Because I’m finally starting to put my demons to rest and after today I never have to see your face again. Never have to imagine if you’re happy. I never have to think of you at all.”

She nods, contemplating his words before she grabs another glass to shine. Out of habit or nerves he doesn’t know, but he gets up off his stool all the same.

“Goodbye Laurel.”

“Bye Oliver.”

He’s almost to the door when he hears her voice whisper, “Oliver… Could you tell Felicity I’m sorry?”

He nods, even though he has no intentions of doing so anytime soon. That’ll just open more old wounds, but he figures the least he can do is lie to her this once, considering a small parting gift.

He tries not to think about Felicity and all of the shit happening between them, but he’s seeing her face everywhere.

On some pamphlets on the plane ride home, on the side of a bus on his way to Star City, and how on the news talking about the new division she’s heading up in Hong Kong.

They keep asking her if she’s moving and she keeps dodging the question. She’s not a very good liar, God only knows how she’s kept his secret over the years. Felicity may be an awful liar, but he can’t make himself look away. He just wants to see her answer the question.

She doesn’t and he spends the rest of the afternoon contemplating calling her to ask about it. Not that he should. He doesn’t have a right to ask her about something like that, but he also doesn’t want her to move halfway around the world when they’re finally at least talking again.

He manages to grab some dinner with Diggle and Lyla to get some of their advice on the subject and as per usual. He ends up leaving as confused as he was before. It isn't their fault. It's that they think that by him putting Felicity first she'll just find her way back into his life. As much as he'd like to believe that, there's still a lot of water under the bridge and they both need to be in the same space for more than ten minutes to talk some of their issues out.

It doesn't stop him from calling her. And when she doesn't answer it doesn't stop him from leaving her a voicemail.

"Hey Felicity, it's me. Oliver. Obviously you will already know that because of caller id, or just me being saved as a contact in your phone. Unless, you deleted my number. Whatever, that's not relevant. Just wanted to talk and thought I'd give you a call. We have some things we need to talk about and I'd kind of rather do that in person, but for now I'll take what I can get. That's it. Call me back when you can. Bye."

He hits his phone against his forehead out of embarrassment. When did he develop word vomit when talking to Felicity? That was never a problem before. It was probably just nerves and worry that she wouldn't actually want to talk to him in person ever again.

He clicks his phone one more time and too many things fall into place.

He forgot. How could he forget? It was nearly seven at night, the day nearly over and he forgot.

He rushes to the nearest store to pick up flowers. White roses. They always seemed a bit more appropriate. He grabbed a small teddy bear too, he couldn't help himself. Oliver finds himself rushing through the city to the grounds of where the mansion once stood and makes his way to the grass by his father's plot. His father's and his son's.

It shouldn't surprise him that she's here. It makes the most sense in the world, but he still can't connect what is happening around them, with the woman standing right in front of him. Oliver would bet his nonexistent fortune that Felicity had been here since the sun was up. That she had spent the day talking and cleaning the gravesite until she deemed it perfect. He'd also be willing to bet that she let all her calls go to voicemail today, not that he could blame her.

She hears him as he approaches. Giving him no more than a glance as he comes up alongside her. He kneels down setting the flowers and teddy bear next to the flowers that were left by Felicity. Of that he had no doubt. Right beside a birthday card with a big number seven across the front.

They both stand there not speaking and his heart breaks for the circumstances that have surrounded their adult lives. Felicity may have been better off before she met him. Sure, she had a rough childhood, and her college years weren't completely kind, but she had found her place at Queen Consolidated. Long before he had dragged her into the mess that was his life.

He loved her with every fiber of his being, but that didn't mean he deserved her.

When she reaches for his hand, holding it firmly within her own, he can't help the way his heart flutters. She's wiping the tears from her cheeks with her other hand and all he can think about is that her other is holding his. He should be happy, that for once they're in the same place and not fighting, but this isn't a happy time. Standing in front of his dead son's grave on what should be his seventh birthday with his estranged wife.

"It doesn't get any easier does it?" She whispers.

He wants to say it doesn't. He wants to tell her he doesn't think they will ever fully be over it, but he decides on the truth.

"Felicity, up until an hour ago I had completely forgotten."

A silence sits between them and he's so embarrassed that he keeps talking.

"How could I forget this? How could I forget about our son? It's only been seven years and I just. I forgot. What kind of a parent does that?"

"Oliver, you can't beat yourself up about these things."

"Says the woman who didn't forget."

She pulls him towards her then. Her small body cradling his much larger one. He finds himself sobbing before he can stop himself. All the anger and pain seeping out between jagged breaths. Felicity just holds him as he lets it all out, he doesn't deserve her or her kindness. They spend the next ten minutes that way, but it may as well be a lifetime for Oliver. When she lets him go all he feels is empty.

"You're a good father Oliver and a good person, who puts himself under too much stress."

"I'm not."

"You are." She says the words with such certainty he doesn't care to argue.

"I left you a voicemail earlier, but I can already tell you what it says. Save us both some time playing phone tag. We need to talk. Not tonight, I can't handle talking tonight, but soon. I'm not healed yet, but I'm trying Felicity. I swear to you I am, but I can't keep waiting in the wings for you to give me the time of day. Either we figure this out together or we part ways for good, as much as I don't want to. As much as I love you. It isn't fair to either of us."

"Oliver..."

"You don't need to make any decisions today. We don't need to talk about it today, but soon. Okay. For right now, I'm fine with standing here celebrating the seventh birthday of our son with the woman I love."

She nods turning back towards the headstone and he finds the familiar flutter when she holds his hand in her own.


End file.
